I feel lost

My husband died yesterday morning, today feels unreal. I feel jittery we had been married 40 years, I can’t imagine my life without him.

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Firstly, welcome to the community! It is such a tragedy to lose a spouse and no matter what any of us can say, the pain you feel is real and severe. I for one lost a wife who was aged 32 (it is now 10 years) and I will never forget the depth of the pain of loss. Please reach out to all of us here who have suffered loss in our lives and we are always here to support each other and to support you! My deepest condolences too you and may your healing begin right now and may you find peace in your heart in spite of the raging storm of grief.

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And welcome from me too. I have just read the kind post from Khanye.
It’s a very understanding post and so true. It’s such an early time for you to even begin to understand this awful process of grief. To you at this moment nothing will seem to help. Feeling unreal is a perfectly normal reaction. We just can’t believe it’s happened. So is feeling jittery and anxious. I know it’s an old cliche but true. One day at a time, or in your case one hour at a time. You will grieve and the pain may be great. Allow emotions to come. Never try and stop them. At this stage you need natures way of relieving stress. Please come back and talk to us when you feel the need. I so wish I had a magic wand to take away your pain. Alas I have none. Everyone of the kind folk on here knows how you feel. You’re among friends. Bless you and my prayers are with you.

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Thank you, I just keep bawling my eyes out at the moment x

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You are very brave and coming here for support early on will help you. My husband died suddenly at the end of March and it has taken me until now to seek some support.
It will feel unreal for a while and still now after 3 months it feels like a bad dream.
You have done the right thing looking for support now because the run up to the funeral is never an easy time.
It is so hard to even envisage life without our soulmates but I do feel they are never far away.
Just ask for help if you are struggling or if you feel lost and lonely.
Look after yourself and sending love and hugs. xx

Thanks Sarah, I knew I would need to talk but I can’t seem to talk to family or friends. I suppose I am looking for people who really know what I am experiencing. I am also gabbering on to Malc as though he can hear me, it helps but I am sure people would think I,m nuts. I am just dreading the funeral I know that’s when It will hit me that he’s not coming back. At the moment it just feels like a bad nightmare xxx

You can always talk to us we are all unfortunately members of a club that nobody wants to join! I’m now 4 weeks into this nightmare and find the support on here when I need to unload a real help. Take care and message me if you need to vent !

Thanks Jen I will xx

You just need to keep talking to him, tell him how much you love him, discuss your day with him! It really is what we need to do and I am sure they can hear us.
When I visited David in the funeral home a few times I waffled away to him for ages! It is normal and it is healthy.
Nothing is weird when you live through something like this, When i collected David’s ashes I was excited to be bringing him home, at this point it was two months from when he died and just having him back felt right.
He comes upstairs at night and downstairs in the morning with me, I sleep with one arm around my little dog and the other hand on his casket. Anything that brings comfort is fine, it is just our own unique way of coping.
If people knew my habit of sniffing his dressing gown and any clothing that has any remnant of his scent left they might think that odd but I am sure most people in our situation do that.
I know the funeral will be hard and it is one more hurdle to deal with in this awful journey we find ourselves on. All I can say is that you just take it one hour, one day at a time and remember to look after yourself, if you can get out into the garden or go for walks just to experience things other than your thoughts then that helps, even if you don’t feel like it.
Always here so if you are struggling or just lonely then please just shout!
Big hugs. xxx

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Hi toondale
I very much understand your pain I haven’t lost my partner but my beautiful son aged only 23 just 3 weeks ago the physical pain is immense I too feel constantly shaky my heart is racing and my mouth really dry my family have told me to go to the doctors but there is no medication for grief I believe like you we must take just hour by hour and get through these dark days sadly for me this loss is the second of my three children I unfortunately remember the intense pain 10 years ago when I lost my daughter I felt the grief was always there but I learnt to live along side it I never imagined I’d have to do it all again I hope you get stronger and get some comfort knowing others also feel your pain take care x

Hi Jayne
I am so sorry to read what you are going through, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through, losing a child must be the most painful thing anyone could ever experience.
I am so so sorry. I hope you have support.
It sounds as though your body is in survival mode and you are running on adrenaline which is hard to cope with as it feels as though you are having a constant panic attack. It is so exhausting, physically and emotionally.
A friend of mine gave me some aromatherapy oils which I didn’t believe in at first but I did find it calming.
I am thinking of you and sending hugs. xx

DEar Toondale
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My husband died at the end of June so I know how you feel.
You said you were dreading the funeral and that is so normal but you will get through it. We all do because we have no choice and somehow, we seem to get an extra strength to see us through.
I hope you will get comfort from posting on here - I did. Most of us are in the same boat so we will understand how you are feeling and try to help. xxx

Hi, I also lost my husband suddenly 29 June which was a massive shock! I have never felt so alone in all my life! Even though I have family & friends! I am 45 & my husband was 50. I try my best to function everyday! But I’m struggling! This is the first time I have joined a group where unfortunately others understand me I am sorry for everyone’s loss! Life is so cruel xx

Sorry for your loss, my husband was a sudden death as well so it is really hard to believe it actually happened and he isn’t coming back. It’s the first thing in your head as soon as you wake up that I hate. I am just plodding through the days, nothing means anything anymore. I just hope that it gets easier for us xx

I am so sorry for you, yes evenings, mornings are the worst! & your right! Nothing matters anymore! People chat about everyday things & I just sit there! My heart actually hurts & I feel like my life is ruind! I miss him so much!! I struggle to get up every morning but I do! We have 2 dogs that need me as my children are early 20’s. I haven’t cooked a meal since! Not looked after myself as I normally would! & I walk around like a zombie not wanting to smile at all! & people say it gets easier! I really hope so as this is the worst thing to ever to go through! It’s not fair is it! I really hope your days will get better & you have lots of support xx

Hi. Kaz, Welcome to the site where no one wants to be, but thank God it’s here! You are among friends who know and understand fully what you are going through, which is heart breaking and so very painful. It’s no good minimising it as friends tend to do. ‘Give it time, you will be OK in a few months!’. Oh Yeah!!!?
It depends on you and your own individual temperament. It’s far too early for you to contemplate anything other than to try and look after yourself. We tend to neglect ourselves in the early stages of grief. Family and friends may be all around you and some may understand. But the feeling of loneliness is inside you, and no one can get to that painful spot. You will grieve in your own way and in your own time. We all do. This awful experience is very personal. If I may offer a little advice born from experience. Try not to struggle with your emotions, Let them come as they will. It’s Natures way of relieving stress. But its not easy at all, and I do know! In the early stages we are in shock for sure. It’s a life trauma, and as such will take time to ease. Try and be as kind to yourself as you can. Blessings and take care. John.

Hi. Toondale. Yes, mornings are definitely the worse time. After twenty months it’s still painful to get up to an empty house. I sometimes think I am over it and wake up a bit more cheerful, then wham!! something reminds me and off I go again. I am better than I was, that’s for sure, but it still hurts at times. We may have to learn to live with the big gap left in our hearts.
It will and does get easier. But so slowly and it seems like forever.
With no one close to share things with it does all seem meaningless. My hobby was building model ships, but since my wife died I can only mange an hour or so and find it difficult to concentrate. I find coming on here and trying to help out is definitely therapeutic, but that’s my own view. When we help others we help ourselves, and that’s not being selfish.
Take care, and it does get easier, but it takes a lot of time and patience, and patience is not what a lot of bereaved people have.
Blessings. John.

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