I lost Janet 4 months ago yesterday no she wasn’t my mum but to me she was I will always call her my mum, she passed away so suddenly and I never got to say a proper goodbye, I was going on holiday so I went to hers the day before. And I promised her that I would call her on new years, I said I love you and kissed her goodbye n yes some people will think well you said goodbye, which yes I did but I feel like I didn’t say goodbye good enough I should of called her but no I was to worried abt myself I mean I was in hospital but I should of still called her because now I feel this riddling guilt. The other thing that brings me guilt is the fact that I’d gotten home on the 2nd and I was going to go to hers but I was too tired and then on the 4th i literally got ready to go to hers and i decided to call her but there was no answer and I had a bad feeling but I thought no she was perfectly fine the last time I saw her so she’s okay.
Turns out she wasn’t, my mum told me on the 5th that she had passed away at 7:30 in the morning and when I tell you I haven’t been the same since I mean it.
I have felt completely lost since she told me, I don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone thinks I’m fine now n that I’m handling it well n I’m not grieving but I am I’m not okay I very rarely laugh, I’m always angry n easily irritated and I don’t sleep very well anymore I don’t sleep till late hours and then I just don’t wake up at all during the day. I don’t know if it’s normal after this long and I suppose that’s why I’m writing this because I just need some advice. I think I’m getting there but I just don’t know all I know is I shut it out for so long thinking she was still here I was completely in denial n I think I’m only now grieving properly but I really don’t know.
I just know I miss her so much and I need her back.
Hello @Gg_05 ,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of Janet that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi Gg_5,
Just read your post and my heart goes out to you. It really does.
I can only say that what you are saying is perfectly normal. I went through the same 15 mths ago. It does ease but it takes a long time to even see the smallest improvement.
Keep posting bec others will soon reply to you Set yourself tiny targets for each day. Something small you can do and build up every day or so.
Love to you
Deborah x
Thank you so much I really appreciate it. I know it’s gonna take awhile but atm I hate how long it’s taking I just really miss the old me before it all. My life was together I was happy n never angry but now I just don’t know what’s happening. But I’ll make sure I keep posting thank you so much again.
Much love 
Gg-05,
Thats no problem. Grief sets all sorts of emotions in place so just try to get through it the best you can. It changes us completely. Be patient with it and just plan to get through a day at a time. That’s all you can do right now.
I set up an area in my lounge for my mum with her photo, a candle , cross and some flowers I also changed the photo every week and gradually I put funny photos of her and i could start smiling again. She would be mad with me if she saw them on display lol.
You could also start a diary writing to her explaining what you have done and how you feel. Lots of people do that and it helps them.
Keep going lovely because you will get stronger
Deborah x