I feel lucky

I hear so many of you losing your partner either before retirement or shortly after. I obviously miss my husband desperately but we both retired early in 2005 so have been fortunate to have had 18 years retired together. So many of you are also so young. Whilst not considered old these days he was 2 days before his 71st birthday when he died so had lead a good and fulfilling life. That gives me some consolation. Love and hugs to all suffering on this site. Sandra

14 Likes

That’s a lovely thing to share with us. Obviously you would love to still have him around. I also feel very lucky, for the life we had and the love we shared and passing on so much knowledge to metro be able to cope a bit better.

2 Likes

I think loss is so hard whatever age but I do sit here and just wish my kids were older. Even just another10 years so my husband was 53. My main aim in life now is to stay alive until the kids are older and settled. Xx

5 Likes

It just hit me. Everything I wear every day he bought me.

5 Likes

I’ve really struggled with clothes, especially as he either brought them or they have memories attached. Some I have been unable to wear and have brought some new bits. Some are holiday clothes, was hard to even look at them. :pensive:

3 Likes

Sometimes we find comfort & can console ourselves with the time we had. I had 25 years with my husband, he was only 59 when he passed away. I was at the church yesterday & I was raising a glass of fizz for my husband’s birthday. I then got talking to a man, he’d buried his daughter aged 29 & I found myself feeling lucky that we’d had all that time together, she hadn’t started to live her life really. I do try & take solace from the fact we had so much time together, made many happy memories but it doesn’t take away from the fact we should have had so many more years. Derek didn’t get to meet his grandson, we didn’t get to retire to our place in the sun. Many future things we will never get to do together. The roller coaster of feelings is why I can’t bring myself today, after his birthday yesterday, to go out of the house. Can’t find that consolation today.
I wrote this poem that I read on days like this, take care everyone :heart:

I’m lucky seems a strange thing to say
When I’ve lost you in such a sudden way
But in order for me to be able to get through
I have to try and count my blessings too

I’m lucky to have had you in my life
I’m lucky and proud to be your wife
I count my lucky stars for our girls each day
I’m lucky we made great memories along the way

I’m lucky to have our family and friends
I’m lucky for all the love everyone sends
I’m lucky to have our home in the sun
But mostly I’m lucky to have been your one

:heart:

9 Likes

Thankyou Sandra thats so nice for everyone to read x

2 Likes

Just received a phone call from the chairman of the bowls club my husband went to. He wanted me to donate his bowls to them. They sold some to the members and the rest online. They raised over £200 which they have donated to the charities he wanted supported at his funeral. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

5 Likes

I wish your children could have another 10 years with their father. They are lucky with you. Stay strong.

3 Likes

Thankyou my husband was 54 im 48 we have 2 sons one 22 and 25 so wish we had more time together . Your so brave x

2 Likes

@Nori my husband died suddenly at the age of 53 and I wish he could of lived longer. My son is now 23 and often says that dad will never see his milestones in life. It must be so hard for you having younger children. Life is certainly unfair and cruel. Big hugs xx

4 Likes

Beautiful words thanks for sharing

1 Like

My heart goes out to all you who have lost your husbands at such much younger ages than I have. I had my husband for 54 years and knew him for 56 years altogether. We were always together through thick and thin , trials and tribulations of family life. He was my absolute rock and although I felt I had lost him three years before he died last year as he had dementia I would give everything to have him back with me even with is dementia. But he would not have wanted to live in such an undignified way. I grieve and cry and sometimes don’t know how I get through each day but I feel I have to try as he would have wanted me to and I have a family who are kind and they too miss their father but it’s not the same for them as they have busy lives and young families. This is a terrible void and loss as everyone on here knows… it seems unbearable and memories of past happy times spent together are too painful now. My thoughts are with everyone who really suffers with this terrible burden. Some people are more emotionally stable than I am and probably cope better but it also depends on what your relationship was like and I was so dependent on my husband for his companionship and his love and together we faced everything but without him I feel so lost.

4 Likes

@Pat91, I am the same as you sort of. I was so lucky to have my husband for 50 years but I am so lonely without him. Its only 14 weeks since he passed but I am so lost without him. I just cant settle to anything. Nothings seems to matter anymore. We did everything together. I started counselling yesterday so am hopeing I can see a light at the end of this awful tunnel. Hugs to you all on here that are going through this awful time. Ann

3 Likes

Just so downhearted today again. My husband of 54 years died last year and I’m still struggling without him. I recently moved from our home of 46 years to live nearer to my two sons but it seems to have made my grief worse. I like my new house but the memories of our home together and the area are so painful. My family are as good as they can be but are so busy and I feel iI can’t burden their lives with my sorrow… and my regrets about moving. Just how do we get through this? I feel guilty because as he had dementia I wasn’t able to support him emotionally as it crippled me with grief and at times I had a very short fuse with him although I loved him so much and his Alzheimers wasn’t that advanced. He died from mismanagement in an NHS hospital where he had a terrible fall and then developed Covid and delirium and never regained his baseline level. They have apologised profusely . He spent the last 16 weeks of his life in a nursing home but was unable to move even his hands or arms and spent most of his time sound asleep and not very aware. I so wish I could forget the trauma and carry on better.

2 Likes

@Pat91 I really feel for you. It must be so hard uprooting and starting all over again. I feel a lot of guilt as I sometimes was very short with my husband. He had COPD, Parkinsons, panic attacks and his sight was going and I also think he had the start of dementia among a few other ailments. He just couldnt do anything for him self and would get very frustrated and in turn I would get upset for him. I miss him so so much and again am having a very tearful day. Take care. Ann

1 Like

8 years i got with my lovely partner and our daughter only got a few months with her. she wont even remember her mummy. its so hard knowing we have our whole life ahead of us without her here

2 Likes

Thank you Ann. I am 80 and would love to be able to have some friends who are in the same position but and to chat with without feeling a burden. You obviously had a very hard time so no wonder that patience was at times hard to find. I have always been very emotional and my husband understood that and was my total anchor. My thoughts are with you. take care.

2 Likes

@Pat91 I feel the same. I would love to sit and chat to people in the same boat as me but there is nothing in this area like that. I am not very good on the phone but would love to talk to people face to face BUT this community is a real help as it makes me realise I am not alone . Take care. Ann

1 Like

What area do you live in? I live in Rickmansworth Herts now that I have moved house. I previously lived in Pinner only 7 miles away from Rickmansworth but as i said in a previous posting my two sons wanted me to be much closer to them. They are very busy and although I never bothered them very much and saw one or the other of them for lunch at the weekends they both felt that as I was getting older it was best to make the move now rather than later but I’m really struggling with everything now and long for my husband even more if that is possible. Most of the people I have met here just to say “hello” are married and not in my position. You may find as time goes on that you will cope better than me…I hope so. i have a dof but she is now 15 but she is a lifeline to me.

1 Like