Hello all, I’ve just joined this community today as I’m really struggling after the loss of my lovely mum. My mum died of cancer at the age of 62, back in September of this year… I’m heartbroken and my life has just been shattered 
She was first diagnosed last summer after having a cyst removed. She was at stage 1c Ovarian Cancer. She had a few rounds of Chemo and she did amazing! She recovered quickly, and last Christmas we celebrated her having the all clear… little did we know it would be our last Christmas together… 6 months later she fell ill and was taken to hospital… fluid had filled her lungs and stomach, the scan showed that the cancer had gone through her… she was given a terminal diagnosis… we were all so devastated. 10 weeks later she died, the cancer was very rare and aggressive. My mum wasn’t just my mum but my best friend too, I love her and I miss her so much… it hurts like hell. I just desperately need some support from people who understand
Hi,
I lost my father back in February after caring for him for 12 years,he was my best friend and im absolutely devastated, every day brings something new,I’ve done the counselling which i found ok but I’ve recently been diagnosed with depression/grief (i actually think that it’s more grief than depression but I’ve a history of that too) im single 53 with nobody anyway I empathise fully with your feelings!!
Patrick
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this too cancer is such a cruel disease… I’m glad that you’ve tried counselling, and that’s something that I’ve been thinking of trying too… here for you any time you want to get it all off your chest. Thank you
Hi Sianii,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum.
I can relate to your post. I lost my dad on 15th November, 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis.
I have posted quite a bit about it but dad was first diagnosed with throat cancer in 2020. Dad had two operations and 30 rounds of radiotherapy and we were told dad was cured. Every 3 months dad and I would go for check ups and dad was given the all clear. In Feb last year dad reached the one year cancer free mark and we were told the chances of the cancer reoccurring were now significantly reduced. Everytime we got the all clear it felt like the horror of the cancer diagnosis faded into the background.
In April dad developed back pain and when it didn’t improve dad had a scan. In April we were told that dad had metestatic cancer and he would probably live for 6 to 12 months. This was devestating. Dad deteriorated quickly and he died 8 weeks later.
I also didn’t know that last Christmas was my last with dad. My dad was my best friend and I love and miss him so much. The devestation of thinking that dad had recovered only to find out that he had terminal cancer is horrendous.
There are lots of lovely people on here who understand.
You are not alone. Xx
Hi Katherine… this is truly heartbreaking 
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad to this cruel disease… it’s the worst thing to have to go through, and it’s the worst thing ever to lose a parent. My mum was so happy that she’d had the all clear, like I read through old messages and she was telling me how relieved she was that she was okay… didn’t take long for it to creep back up on her… not for one second did I think it would ever return. Cancer is just so sneaky though… you just don’t know. Thank you so much, sending hugs. As much as I need support I’ll support others on here as much as I can too so any time you need a chat, I’m here. x
Hi Sianii,
Thanks you. It is utterly heartbreaking.
The first cancer diagnosis was devestating and it was the only thing the family could focus on. Everytime dad got the all clear the relief was immense and I feel like my guard came down.
When I found out dad was unwell I recorded some of our conversations and to hear him say he really thought he had beaten it and that he would get more time is heartbreaking.
The doctors told us with throat cancer if it comes back it is locally (they only do scopes and feeling neck to check for local reoccurance) so I believed them when they said dad was all clear. To find out it was in his bones and incurable was unfathomable. I felt like I had let him down in some ways as we were thinking he was ok and he wasn’t. It sounds silly but when dad was first diagnosed I took over dealing with all this appts, helping with meds etc so I feel like I should have known somehow. I also feel angry as it can be curable so why did it spread when dad went through the pain of the operations and radiotherapy. These questions constantly go round in my head.
Losing dad has deveststed me beyond words.
I’m so sorry you are going through this too.
Xx
Hi I can totally relate I’m 30. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago to cancer. It’s an awful disease. I have a partner and my dad and a few friends but they don’t understand as they haven’t lost anyone as close. I also have my dad now totally alone and depending on me for company so I feel guilty having a night in as I know he will be all alone. He was married to my mam for over 40 years. Life will never be the same again and I think having Christmas has made it so much worse. I have been looking at it like she’s now at rest and not in pain anymore but the fact I’ll never see her again eats me up all day everyday. I text her every day knowing I was not get a reply. It’s honestly so heart breaking she told me alot In life but never how to live without her. Doesn’t matter how old you are you will always need your mother. I get jealous seeing other people with theirs and think this is not fair.
Always here if you need to talk. A lot of people will never understand until it happens to them and nothing can prepare you for it.
Beth
Hello sianii
I am sorry for your loss and sending much love xxx I feel your pain. I too losted my mother to cancer just six letters can stop your world like a train crash. Then to hear 3 to 6 months a death sentence. It is so crule to watch your mother disappear over time and now there’s nothing you can do. My mother was my everthing. She taught me many things but not how much pain would come from her death. My moms name was Pauline what was your moms name. I post daily and talk to my mom I find it helps always here if you want to chat xxx
My heart really goes out to you… it’s so frustrating and upsetting, I know. Like you’re given this false hope and then it all comes crashing down… life is so unbelievably cruel and unpredictable. It hurts so much thinking about the suffering mum went through… one night mum fell as I was trying to get her on the commode and she was crying and saying she was wanting to die and be with her mum. Not only does it hurt and upset me so much but it makes me so angry that she had to go through all that… it always happens to good people doesn’t it
Hi Lolla, thank you, and I’m so sorry about your mum too it’s the worst feeling in the world to lose your mum. The one person you really need in your life… you never think you’ll lose your mother, you just think she’ll be there forever… Never did I think cancer would kill my mum until she had that terminal diagnosis. My mum’s name was Jennifer and she was the best mum, she was truly amazing xx
Hi Beth, I’m so sorry about the loss of your mum. It’s the most horrible feeling in the world isn’t it… cancer is such a cruel and evil disease, and I just never thought it would kill my mum… I thought my mum would be here for years to come and that she would die of old age, not dying of cancer at the young age of 62… Christmas was a very emotional time and I imagine it was so emotional for you too. My mum loved Christmas so much so I went to the effort of putting a tree up in the window as I knew she would of loved that. I cried a lot and it hurt so much knowing she wouldn’t be with us but I got through Christmas, enjoyed as best as I could for my mum, but it was incredibly difficult. How did you cope over Christmas? Did you spend it with your dad? That’s what I did. My sister had to work so it was just the both of us. Thank you so much, here if you need to chat about it all any time too xx
Im so sorry…30 is still v young to lose a parent. Im still not right in myself about my mum…ahe was 83…im 56…may as well be 8yrs old…as thats where my grief is coming from mainly …
October 23rd…11.15pm…burnt in to my brain…
The guilt part you mention…
Yes…dad 89 end of January…bless…seeing his pain…shrinking…slowing…is as bad if not worse than my own grief…
Im sending you a huge hug…
Be as kind…gentle to yourself
as you can…xxxx
Hi sianii
Your mom Jennifer sounds like an amazing well loved mother. Pain is the price of love. Sending you much love 
Hi Sianii
I know exactly how you feel my lovely mum passed away in March this year to cancer in the brain. I missed her so much it really hurts. I survived Christmas cause I had my lovely husband with me but my mum loved Christmas and my lovely dad in a rest home so I am supporting him as best I can. All I wanted was more time and I know I can’t have it.
From Katz
Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss
My mum passed away two weeks ago today and I too feel so depressed and alone. She was first diagnosed last summer just a few days after her 60th birthday. She had massive surgery and so much treatment but sadly nothing worked for her. I took some time off work and have spent the last 3 months enjoying her company and looking after her. I feel so lost without her and can’t imagine ever feeling ‘whole’ again.
Hi Amie 2
So sorry for your loss. I really wish we could all have more time with our parents.
I also moved in with my mum before hand which I am so grateful I did that but I kept telling myself she be fine 
From
Katz
Hello Amie2
I am so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain sending much love as long as you reach out on here you will not be on your always listening xxx
Hi, I lost my mum and my sister this year, I’ve had the most miserable of christmases - all alone with my sad thoughts heavily depressed, wanting to drink lots … with now my my best friend who has also died, plus the dog put down in June - I think to myself what’s the point??? Like yourself I so adored my mum, my best friend, the one who knew me the best from a child, it’s hard as I attend her and my dads grave(at least I think they are together again) but truth is she loved us children more than anything else, and we all loved her - especially myself as not married no kids etc, I devoted my life to her when my dad died 20 yrs ago - watching both my mum and my young sister die with the rotten disease of cancer has near on killed me, I am proud to say that I cared for them both throughout and they both died at home as they had wanted too. But my mental health is now a big problem, I’ve had some bereavement counciling which helped with some issues- but I feel I am suffering from a form of ptsd similar to the veterans- as I never sleep and I am very noise sensitive, due to always having to be alert to my love ones especially at nigh time- I don’t eat very well either.It’s very hard to put on an act every day and friends don’t understand they just want to push on! and think I should to also, they hate my Vunerablity and often sudden out pour of sadness. Sorry sweetie but you have many steps to yet go though - I am still treading those uphill steps 9 months on , I am so sorry for you as I can relate because of my own sorrow- take care please and consider some form of counciling ie- cruise or talking therapies from your GP - in desperation I have contacted the Samaritans, many hug’s ks77
Hello karen77
I’m so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain sending you much love. I know how you feel watching your loved ones slowly disappear in front of you with cancer is just brutal as there’s nothing you can do for them but just watch as cancer eats away at you and your loved ones and all you can do is love them Tring to get some bereavement counselling. Finding it hard to ask for help as I’m not good at talking.
Please reach out , you won’t talk at first because you will need to trust, but then as with me a certain session comes along whereby the professional council triggers something deep within you, maybe even gently challenges you (you aren’t aware of this) you respond and everything every emotion spills out. It’s not a nice feeling whilst it’s happening but you feel in a safe space with a safe person who understands you completely- it’s all out there!! Anger/ grief/ sorrow/ being scared/ the list goes on… after that particular session , having behaved so vulnerable to an almost stranger who has given you their complete attention for 50 mintutes, all other sessions are easier and you feel comfortable almost as if you have found a new friend to talk too. You talk and they listen without judgement have patience to allow for the silent moments, I just want to reassure you that it’s safe and honest. The only draw back is then you have to let go of this remarkable professional who has invested in your well being with care and hope for you , you will have to let go and walk away alone. But hopefully within the sessions you may have learnt some coping techniques, however the grief remains - you can’t love as we have and not felt the incredible loss of those who we adored and were such a huge part of our lives. I will miss them for as long as I love myself hope you go for therapy reach out now as they have long waiting list, especially since COVID all love and hug’s ks77