I feel so selfish

My daughter Kayley died suddenly almost 7years ago its her birthday on 15th June some friends have booked us a short break away and it means I won’t be here for kayley birthday I’ve never been away for her birthday before and I feel like I’m an awful mum should I cancel the break someone please help

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter Kayley seven years ago. You are absolutely not selfish or an awful mother for going away with your friends.

Maybe you would find it helpful to have a think about ways that you could mark the day and remember Kayley while you are away? For example, you might find it helpful to bring a photo or memento of Kayley with you. Are your friends generally supportive? Hopefully they will be understanding if you need to talk about Kayley, or else take some quiet time to yourself during the trip.

I see that this is your first post, and I hope you’ll find it helpful being a part of this Online Community. Our users are a supportive lot, and there are many other bereaved parents here, so you should get more replies soon. In the meantime, you may wish to have a read of some of the other conversations in the Losing a Child section: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-child

No, you shouldn’t cancel your break. Your daughter would want you to go…love Lily x

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I’m sorry for your loss. It was my sons birthday last week. I spent the day away from the grave, not on holiday but away I felt bad but I held on to the fact he was with me all day in mind body and soul. Take the break, you deserve it. She will be with you. My prayers will be for you Hooe you can try to stop making yourself feel guilty. What ever you decide will be the right thing for you there’s no wrong thing to do.
Big hugs Ste x

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Kayley is no longer tied to a place, she is always in your memory, wherever you are, so you can’t be “away” from her. Go and enjoy without guilt.
J xx


I love Jeannie’s reply and agree that you can remember your beautiful daughter wherever you are and that she will be with you wherever you go so grab any chance of anything that could put a smile on your face even if only for short while and know that she will be smiling with you as she would want you to carry on and give life your best shot. No need to feel guilty as it doesn’t mean you love her any less and she would not want you to miss out on this. I do hope you manage to enjoy moments and wish you better times ahead :heart:

What a lovely way to explain. A great comfort. Thank you. I have struggled so much even with going for a walk.
Take your trip and with your precious child in your heart. Xx

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