I Give Up

I am just going round in circles , I posted a private message , no idea if they got it or not.
I used to look at this site in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep and it helped me now it doesn’t, it just frustrates me.
I’ve given up on the site and I’ ve given up on life.
20 months after my partner’ s sudden and unexpected death at the start of our retirement and after 47 years together I’ve given up.all hope of ever feeling better.
What has happened overshadows everything I do day and night. Counselling, keeping busy none of it helps me. I feel trapped in this nightmare existence with no way out.
Thank you everyone for your support in the past , thank you Sue Ryder and I hope you all find some peace. Jx

Hi Jackie. My heart goes out to you, I know how much you struggle. But please don’t give up and keep with forum. This new forum is the last thing that some of us want to have to negotiate, some seem to be having no problems while others are not getting on very well. I too am struggling in more ways than one at the moment. I agree I have no idea if my private messages are getting through as I have been informed by Admin that one has somehow gone to them and I sent it as I have done so many times before, then I tried to find a message i received before the 12th and on my computer it had gone, and I can’t be bothered to start searching high and low for it.
What I have discovered is that time doesn’t heal as we are told so often. I have reached the year and thought that I would be back to some sort of normality by now but that is not the case. I am determined however to keep trying. Please stay with us.
Pat xx

Please don’t give up… We’re all here rooting for each other. It’s so impossibly hard but we have to find the strength to cope. Sending love and a massive hug. You will get used to the site in time. Xxx

Hi Jackie,
I’m so sorry to hear about how frustrated you are feeling. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. Our website admin and support team are working to solve any issues our members might be having with the new site and I hope that you will very soon be able to use this one as you did the previous one.
We also offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community.
This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, Jackie, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,
Online Community team

Hi. Jackie. Please don’t go away. You would be much missed. It’s so easy to fall into the pit of despair when there seems no light ahead and no relief on the horizon. But things do change and often when we least expect them.
Like Pat, I’m just a year after losing my wife. I’m still in shock. The rubbish people talk about it being over in a year annoys me. How do they know. I’m better, yes, but it is a very slow process.
It’s very difficult to know what to say to you that would make a lot of difference. You thank everyone for support and I’m sure we all thank you for your input. Even if you feel bad and low what you say in a post can often uplift someone in the same state.
As for the site, it will get better when its sorted. I doubt anyone has a perfect site when it’s first launched.
Take care and Bless you. Please think again about leaving. John.

…well it is now two Jackie’s who have-who are giving up this site…You may find me posting on another bereavement forum, just look for my avatar photo…


Jackie, I’m thinking of you. You’ve been supportive to me in the past and I’m concerned about you. I know what you mean, I’ve not a clue what I’m doing here. Where there was once comfort in simplicity there seems to be confusion in the chaos. Maybe my brain is just too scrambled.
Tragically, all bereaved people know what early loss feels like, but not all bereaved understand what long-term bereavement can feel like do they and you’ve explained it spot on. I’ve just started counselling and crying in front of a 20 something male counsellor on a weekly basis would once fill me with dread. However, he listens. The fact that it’s his job to is irrelevant. But I understand what you mean about the keeping busy etc.
I don’t understand about the private messages either so if there is anyone that’s ever sent me one that I haven’t replied to then I’m sorry.
I’m hoping you are feeling a little less distressed since you posted. Even if it’s just for the briefest period because something is better than nothing when we feel so wretched isn’t it.
Sending love, don’t give up.

I don’t understand. People still seem to be posting on here and getting replies. If it’s difficult to navigate then we can stick with the basic post and reply. No need to use all the other stuff. I still sometimes have problems with private messages, but I am sure that’s being sorted.
It such a shame that you are both going. But if you feel upset by the changes then it’s a personal choice. I wish you both well.

I literally just stuck to the basics. Post and reply. I’ve set the app up on my phone and it’s much easier so not sure if that’s an option for some people. Although the font is small. It’s no different from the other site it just looks different. I hope everyone preserveres.

Hi Tina, Sorry to hear you find private messages confusing - do you mean even before the new version of the site? I’ve looked at your account and you have definitely sent and received private messages in the past, but maybe you weren’t aware they were private. For information on how to send private messages and view your past private messages in your inbox, please see here.

Hi second of the Jackie’s, Please don’t go either, I will miss you. We have contacted each other so many times. Just go slowly with the site and I am sure you will be able to keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Your posts are always from the heart and give many of us food for thought. You are a brave lady and needed on this site. Please think again.
Pat xxx

Whose complaining? Neither I nor others that I have received emails from have complained. Just merely stated a fact. You can pour your heart out to any Tom, Dick or Harry no words can ever give us what we all want. You may as well talk to the butcher, baker or candlestick maker nothing will ever change.

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I think it comes down to the fact that none of us like change, and the older we get the less inclined are we to accept it. The old site lacked a lot of modern features, such as the edit button, which is very useful. I’m getting used to it and find if there is an error then it’s usually my fault.
Maybe we often forget that this site is free. The staff put in a lot of work and do their best to please everyone, which is not possible.
I for one, am grateful for it, and the help I have had from posts and messages has been a Godsend. And where else do you get free counselling? I know some bereavement sites do, but not many.
I am sure the problems that have arisen are genuine and I’m so sorry and saddened that people feel the need to leave because of it. I’m getting used to it so will remain.
Blessings to all.

Thanks Priscilla.
I think it’s because I haven’t really had the time to devote to checking this out on the new site. I was totally ok with the old site. I appreciate your reply very much. Obviously its proving a bit harder to teach an old dog new tricks in my case! Many thanks again.

Last weekend while I wasted four hours trying to get into the forum I was ready to pack it all in. However I know I would miss you all. If I’m feeling ‘down’ a quick visit will make me feel among friends again that understand what we are all going through, while family and friends just think we’ve moved on and just fine.
Agree with advice given just take it slowly. Keep it simple and learn at your own pace. I would love to see the old friendly un-complicated forum back but doubt that will happen. So let’s get on with it and all stay together helping each other through this terrible time in our lives. Surely if we can cope with our loss we can sort our way through this new setup. xxx