I hate just about everything

Everyday seems a right slog to get through. I absolutely hate the loneliness, the evenings and nights, cooking ( when I do it) for one , the fact there’s no one to share anything with .
I have an elderly mum who I go and see as often as I can she lives around the corner from me so not far away m whenever I go she finds jobs for me to do and I think this is just to get me to stay longer. Now I’m on my own I am so mindful of this whenever my kids come to visit because I don’t want to become a burden on them and cause them not to want to visit . My son comes every week end but my daughter doesn’t come that often but I still see her as I take her son ( my grandson) to school two days a week .
I hate it that Robs little dog is slowing down and getting old he’s 16 this year and it’s all left to me to deal with . I know Rob didn’t wish to have a heart attack at a young age or any age for that matter .
This feeling of hatred doesn’t seem to fade some days are worse than others but it’s always lurking around .


@Kazzer - you are being really honest here and sharing thoughts that others have but hide away. I can understand your anger and rage at it all - the unfairness of the one being left alone to deal with loneliness and difficulties. I have spent the last 2 months wading through problems and issues arising from T’s long illness and death. It has been an assault course, with no real end in sight. I understand some of how you feel. On Wednesday, I am hoping to sell his business, which has gone wrong since he was ill and died. It has caused me all kinds of worry - the fear of the team losing their jobs and all that kind of thing. I hope to save them all and come out breaking even for us all. You are doing well to get through the days and to hold it together. I don’t have children and am having to reinvent my life almost completely. It is scary - but I get to chose who I am and what I want to be and do. I find that liberating and helpful, even as I mourn and miss my husband more than I can say and have long evenings alone, too. Go well, Kazzer and keep posting. Your Sue Ryder family is here for you.