I hate me

I’ve lost my dad in October. It was really really sudden.
I was really close to him. I feel lost. Can’t talk to my husband. I feel completely alone.
I have kissed, and had sex with someone else, and now feel dreadful, I feel worthless, I hate myself, cut off from my husband and I can’t talk to anyone.
I am awaiting bereavement counselling.
I feel like I want to hurt myself, I already pick at any scabs i have, making my head and thigh rather sore.
I really don’t know what to do.
Please could someone help me. X

I’m so sorry for your loss
I’m 7 days post my dad dying and I’m trying to find comfort in situations by thinking what would my dad say about it?
Please do not feel you are alone. I’ve just discovered this community of people in similar situations to us and I feel it may be helpful in our journeys : (

Hi Sarah
Please don’t think you are the only one who feels lost or you can’t talk to anyone bec so many of us on here feel the same.We all act differently and in many different ways when faced with this cruel grief.
Follow up the counselling as soon as you can because everything you can do to help with all you are going through will be worthwhile.Keep posting on here.This site is amazing and people really understand bec they are going through the same.Grief is hitting us all at the moment and we are all reaching out to one another for the smallest bit of help.Grab any help you can ok. I found my husband didn’t know what to say to be so kept out of my way which in fairness was his way of dealing with his grief and mine.I thought I couldn’t talk to him but what I hadn’t realised was that his grief was also terrible even though my mam was his mum in law. Sometimes he would chat with me and other times he thought it best to leave me alone.Thats why this site is excellent bec you can just take yourself off to an online family of friends knowing you are safe to share your thoughts in the knowledge people truly understand.Hope I have made sense.
Will check in on you again and see how you are getting on
Big hug x
Deborah x


Hi @Sarahc.
You sound like you are in a lot of pain, understandably given your recent bereavement.
Can your GP help here? - some of what you describe is very concerning - feeling that you want to hurt yourself and skin picking.
Please call your GP to discuss this - they may be able to influence the counselling wait or have other avenues they can direct you to for help.

As for the other man, that’s about trying to get “comfort” and “feeling close” to another human being as you’ve lost the human being that provided these elements in your life (minus the sex, of course).
Forgive yourself for your lapse but steer clear of him as it’s not helping you process your grief and, if anything, is contributing to your low mood.

Please contact your GP Sarah.

1 Like

I think ive stopped that.
Ive got bereavement counselling and on week 3 of 7 but struggling focusing on me and not everyone else.
My heart is breaking. I want my dad x

1 Like

Sarahc, your dad would hate you harming yourself and for all we know, he’s looking over you with the love he has always felt for you. So please don’t let your dad down and look after yourself. Try speaking to him, telling him how much you miss him and see what happens. Maybe he will talk to you through feelings.

Hi Sarahc
First I want to say how lovely it is to see a post from you again as I have been thinking about you. Am so glad you have posted… It is wonderful news that you have bereavement counselling as it will help you. Please let me know how you get on as it is something I haven’t organised for myself yet but been meaning to.
Yes it is so hard to focus on yourself at this time but your dad would tell you to look after yourself and think of yourself . Try setting small targets for yourself because that is what I have done since my mum passed last Dec. I know that to some people setting targets of any kind might seem silly but I couldn’t think of anything else to drag me out of the pit of grief that I was in and still am. I set targets for things like sorting a draw in my bedroom out, having a nice long bath, walk in the garden for 5 minutes then 10 minutes, writing on this site every evening , even getting dressed. They are all mundane things that I wouldn’t have battered an eyelid before mums passing but I had lost the will to even live so anything was an improvement.
We are all here for you. Please post whenever you can as you are so valued and any help posts on here can give you can only be one thing and thats hope.
Take care and post again soon
Deborah x

when my dad died, he was in a way telling me what to do. I had to take care of my mother, his wife.

he “talked” to me not out loud but I got guidance from him … in my head.

listen in and see … counseling is important and sounds like you need it.

1 Like

Thank you everyone. Been to counsellor today. I am now questioning everything. My grief, whether there is more to it, is it deep rooted and dad was the icing on the cake. Im so messed up.
I’m not sleeping, been for sleeping tablets today, not slept all week.
Wondering if I need more than bereavement counselling


I would say so! we turn on ourselves in stressful times which is not helpful.