Today was full of rabbit holes. The sun was shining, my disabled daughter was bored. I tried everything with her, colouring books, watching a film, looking at books. She kept signing “Daddy”, nurse, cry. (She has no speech). It was heartbreaking, I must have explained a hundred times in words that she might understand. We went into the garden with coffee and the radio. All the songs just made me want to cry. We came in when she got bored. We repeated this several times throughout the day, in and out like a fiddler’s elbow. I can’t drive at the moment and would struggle lifting her chair anyway. My friends and the few family members I have were all busy. My only remaining sister has early onset dementia. It is now time to get my daughter ready for bed and I can lose myself in a book and a glass of wine. I never thought I would look forward to Monday mornings but she will go to her day centre and have something to do for a few hours with people less miserable than I am right now. I was happily married 3 weeks and two days ago.
I wouldn’t be without her for the world, she gives the best cuddles, and I need cuddles right now, but she can also be a little devil. My son has been great but I know I can’t expect him to be here every day, he has his own life and lives in his own house.
Praying that tomorrow will be a better day.
Bless you. I feel for you. It’s so hard isn’t it? It’s still very early days for you and very raw but I’m sure using this site will help you to some degree.
I lost my hubby of 42 years 20 months ago and I still find myself turning to this site when I need support that I don’t feel is forthcoming from family and friends. It’s so good to be able to talk to people who really understand how you’re feeling as only someone who has experienced it can.
Take care of yourself and take comfort in the fact that others care and wish you well x
Sending you a very big hug xx
Hi Willow, I’m sorry for your loss.
I understand how you’re feeling, I hate the weekends too. I have young children, and I love them dearly, and they keep me going, but it’s hard to find the energy to entertain them. It must be especially hard as your daughter has additional needs.
The weekends are lonely without my husband, and this makes them the hardest part of the week. I’m dreading the summer holidays, I used to love having the kids home with me all day.
It must be so hard for you when you have such caring responsibilities. And You also need to grieve and find time to allow for that which will be difficult if you have limited time on to be on your own. Maybe use your time alone tomorrow to do something nice and relaxing - or cry if that helps - or both.
Sending strength to you xx
sending you lots of love