I can manage to cope in the day but once we hit the nights and I go to bed I hate it . I can’t believe I’ve never going to see David again . My life feels finished . My daughters do there best but they have life’s and kids .
I just want to feel him laying next to be again I want to hear is voice I want a cuddle and him to tell me I’ll be ok .
I know it’s early day he passed in November.
I miss him and it’s breaking my heart 
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Completely agree nights are the worst, hate the empty bed 
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I lost my husband on Christmas Eve completely unexpected I can’t believe he’s gone I just can’t believe it. I’m sitting up in bed now writing this I hate bedtime because I hate waking up. It’s just so very hard isn’t it.
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It really is, so sorry to read that it’s very early days for you and I bet your emotions and thoughts are on complete overdrive.
I’m 8 months in sudden unexpected too. It’s hard to accept and process when it’s unexpected (possibly when expected too)
Sending love
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I totally agree nights are the worst. Going to bed I just want to feel my Kev next to me. I don’t go to bed until I’m extremely tired, falling asleep on the sofa tired… I’ve found reading a distraction then fall asleep holding my kindle. Waking up and reliving this nightmare I’m in. My Kev passed away in October (most of which is a blur to me). I keep having flash backs. How my life will carry on I have no clue. I put one foot in front of the other. I’m back at work now so this is a distraction but when I finish and get in my car it’s a black cloud that sits on me. I keep telling myself you can do this, you can do this.
But in reality can I. We all have to find a way to continue. People keep telling me time is a great healer but how can it be. I’ve lost the love of my life and future together. Take care
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Yes the days are bad but the nights are so much worse i also find.
It may sound silly but i sleep on Colin’s side now and then i stack pillows up against my back, i was even debating of using a voice recording of Colin snoring( he always denied that he snored so i taped him one day, he still said…“That’s not me!!!” but i don’t know if that would make it worse…is that bonkers?
Colin passed 21st July, it has been a blur these last 5 1/2 months what with paperwork which has still not been finalised so its just on going (this is only because i think i have an idiot dealing with it)
Please keep talking on this forum, it really does help. Everyone knows exactly how you are feeling, there is comfort in here to be found so please keep talking.
Nicky
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You’re not bonkers. Whatever helps you. Our daughter introduced me to the calm app it’s been a huge help to me. I just wonder when will the unexpected tears stop, when can I smile again (I’m now very good at fake smiling). I went to the supermarket today saw a melon and burst into tears. I left my shopping trolley, apologised to a staff member and drove home. (Kev loved melon). I truly am finding this forum good for me, just knowing I’m not alone in this world that’s revolving at 100 miles an hour and I’m stood still wondering what it’s all about. I’m also getting angry as even my family don’t mention Kev, I do all the time. It’s been said I talk about him as if he’s still here. They think talking about him will upset me I’m sure but he’s on my mind 24/7. I want people to talk about him. I wish you well. Jules
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I feel bonkers sometimes.
The tears will come when you least expect it, my sister came around for a coffee and we got talking about when we were children, the antics we got up to and just general reminiscing when i just burst into tears, i don’t know what set it off but they came flooding out. Bless her, she just sat there and waiting until i had stopped then carried on…she made it feel so normal.
I have not really been shopping for groceries as yet…not properly, i think i would find it hard to walk passed the items i bought on a weekly basis for Colin, this is probably the reason i have lost so much weight…Mrs Hubbard mums calls me:)
You are definitely not alone, i have found this forum like my own personal dam release and it has helped. It doesn’t ask anything from you, you can visit as often or as little as you want, there is no judgement just help and understanding and you get a welcome back when you do visit.
I talk about Colin all the time, his friends do too. they will call me up and tell me that they had been somewhere that reminded them of Colin when we had been out on his motorbike and we stopped for a coffee and bite to eat…its lovely that they too do not want his name not to be spoken because he is here with me all the time as Kev is with you. If you sit quietly and think about him, you will sense him with you i promise. When someone has touched your soul and been part of your life, they do not simply go away. Please keep talking on here, if we can help ease your pain or just listen when you need to rant, we are all here because we know exactly how you feel and what you need to do at that particular time to help you make it through the day.
Take care.
Nicky
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