Hello everyone,
As Christmas is approaching I am feeling more panicked actually in a panic when I see anything Christmas. I really can’t cope with it all. I feel Im painting on a face for everyone.
Xx
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I can relate to the ‘painted face’.
I have stock answers to ‘how are you coping?’.
What I really want to answer is ‘I’m not’.
I’m sure most of my family and friends can see that, but I guess its easier to just to smile and get on with it.
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I am trying to think Christmas is just one day’ outside all the hype. Most of the festivities have nothing to do with the original meaning, faith or symbolism. Please do not paint on a face. Your authentic face will be enough for whose who love you the most. My Mum just wants to talk about me eating and keeping warm and remembering to lock the door at night. She is eighty six and I am fifty six, always the child.
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Why do people feel they have to put on a painted face? You have lost your world and you are entitled to feel that loss and to express it, anyone that doesn’t understand and accept that isn’t worth your time or energy. It’s ok to be you, feel what you feel and it’s ok to say “no I’m not ok”. This is your loss and you don’t have to appease anyone. Christmas is an awful time for anyone bereaved and anyone who isn’t bereaved needs to count their blessings they are not this Christmas. Always grief or not, be true to who you are as that is the person who is no longer here loved most about you
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Thank you LynT for your comments which really helped me. I lost my dear Husband earlier this year and I feel so alone even when I am with other people , unless of course they know what it is like to lose the person in your life who is your whole world. I am so tired of people who know nothing of how it is to feel so completely lost asking me how I am and just wish I had the courage to tell them the truth instead of trying to protect their feelings.
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i too lost my husband of 47 years in may and yes it is hard and terrible but the truth is when anybody who i knew had lost somebody close to them i felt sad for them of course i did but as you say until it happens to you you of course you cant know how bad it is but i am so glad Davy was in my life for the amount of time he was and my sons and daughter were lucky to have had him for a dad so yes it is really hard but i am trying to focus on what we had rather than what i dont have it works for me so i keep going as best i can
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Im not celebrating Christmas and have let my family and children know this I want to spend it on my own surrounded by my memories of my late husband. I don’t want to see other couples happy with their lives, mine has been devastated, I lost my best friend soul mate in September this year, you can only do what you feel is right for you, try going to the Good grief Trust online to hear others speak it may help, sending hugs, grief is painful and endless but cope only the way you can for you every day at a time.
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Ive said im not ok and all i ger is panic on there face and tgey say take care of yourself if i say im ok great you have got over it so i avoid people places songs poems every thing so i sray away at home or in my car to try so i dont break down whuch is very hard nit to do ges been gone 5 month
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I think what you need is space to grieve in your own way, it’s really hard I know it’s only been 7 weeks for me and I have been avoiding everyone, not even getting out the house as I thought I was leaving him but we’re all different, I find comfort in watching movies we watched and talking to him asking what he would do, I find peace at the cemetery, but I have to force myself out of bed every day it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, I play music so I can cry, my late husband of 16 years lost his mum and dad in 21, 22 they were his world, he couldn’t play games watch movies or listen to songs that he related to them he was in total grief silent grief I couldn’t help him, tried Health In Mind but he wouldn’t go, I’m the opposite needing to engage with everything we were and did together to feel him close, it’s really hard and sending a hug, sometimes the future seems pointless especially on your own in an empty house but small steps, making myself do some things, I don’t want to get ill and have lost weight and hair, so I’m trying a bit more self care, some days I get ready some days it’s a duvet day you can only cope with what’s good for you. Seek help if your not coping though it’s easier I think outside of family friends with no emotional connection, I have used the Samaritans at my darkest moments and will engage with counselling I’m on the waiting list, sorry to hear your in the same situation, just feel your not alone 
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Thank you sending hugs i need to try self care more as like you tend to neglet myself but its not easy i just cannot be bothered
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@val2024 ,its easy to neglect yourself at this time. Everything seems pointless at the moment. Just take it one day at a time and get through that day.
Take care.
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I feel the same this will be the first xmas without my beloved and i dreading it. I feel depressed and crying as imiss him so much. Its been 10 months now 
and i still feel numb inside.p
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I know what you mean 1st Christmas
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Sending you lots of love. It is so hard isn’t it? It is lovely we are on here together, helping each other. Hugs. X
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Hugs to all
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So true! Just cozy down, eat well, watch tele - take a walk in the fresh air if possible and the madness of Christmas will be over. It’s just another hurdle to get through in the best self-caring way we know x
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I lost the love of my life 5 months ago suddenly to say i am so lost and lonely without him trying to get on with everyday life but its a front for people 
my heart is broken
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Hello,
Bless you it is really hard isn’t it? But I have found this Sue Ryder community brilliant, so much support. Im here alot if you want to chat. Be kind to yourself.
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It’s hard isn’t it. My dad died end of September and I am just going through the motions. I agree to do what everyone wants but all I want is to lock the door and just be me.
We will get through this but be kind to yourself and we have to learn to say no. Take care and my thoughts are with you
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My husband’s funeral was 12 months ago today and I’m not ok. I’m truthful when people ask how I am, usually saying “I’m as ok as I can be, but time is not a healer”. My life will never be the same again so I don’t pretend. If people can’t cope with that then that says more about them than it does about me. Last year Christmas came and went in a haze and a blur of tears. This year I haven’t put a Christmas tree up, I still don’t want to celebrate without him. I have told my family that I don’t want Christmas cards except from my sons and grandchildren because I know they will insist on getting me one. I have had some bereavement counselling and I was told not to bottle things up, to cry whenever I felt like crying and to be true to myself. So @joyk put yourself first, and don’t hide your feelings, this is your grief and you are allowed to deal with it in your own way and in your own time.
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