I am crying the whole time and cannot stop anymore although I took Kalms and try to read and think something positive. Will it ever get better? My beloved husband died in February this year and it is getting harder than ever. I do not recognize myself anymore. The house and garden are a mess like I am a mess. I am on my own and have actually no one to talk to. Tonight is Eurovision. A programme I always watched with my husband. Now I am not even sure if I can make it. Why did my big baby leave me alone? What hope is left?
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Hello, how your feeling is perfectly normal, you’ll probably still be in shock, the best advice I can give us to try to take it an hour at a time & no more then that, if your a mess & the house don’t worry you can sort all that out in the future, for now think your doing well if you manage to sleep a bit, eat a bit & anything else us a bonus.
It will get better with time, I think this is partly that the initial shock wears off & your emotions will settle for a bit longer with each day that passes, don’t put yourself under any pressure & know how your feeling is what we’ve all felt & it’s a testament to how much we love our lost one.
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@Annaessex sending hugs. I am only 5 weeks on this journey but the last few days I’ve been worse. Crying all the time. The loneliness is crushing. My life has no purpose now. Will it ever get better
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It’s awful I’m 3 months in , went back to work today ( been a nurse for 23 years ) felt lost , inadequate , head was spinning . I don’t think anyone ever gets over it , you I hope eventually just get more used to it and cope better and have good memories xxxx
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I’m 7 weeks today and I still sit there and shake my head in total disbelief that he’s really really gone 
it’s absolute torture and it sucks!!
My house is also a mess. Every night I think I’m going to get it sorted then the next day comes & drags .
I did actually do the garden on Saturday as it was a double edge sword . I’ve never done the garden , as Bry always did it so first time in 35 years . It was a mess so felt I had to do it for Bry and it was one less thing getting down .
I cursed him , I cried , I also felt a sense of achievement. Did it help , not really as after feeling a little proud of myself I just felt angry that he isn’t here and so very sad 
xx
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@PollyjaneW I too am struggling with the practical stuff. A bit of me wants to keep busy but I also feel totally overwhelmed with everything that I am now responsible for. Life sucks!
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I know it really does . My son luckily still lives at home and we are trying & facing new challenges every day . Even changing lightbulbs in certain things .
All it does though is magnify they are gone
My eldest daughter went back home to her children last night & there was sone confusion as my son thought he was staying at his girlfriends so I had to tell a white lie and say my friend was going to stay with me . They have been my rocks but felt he needed some much needed time away from this awful situation and I thought I need to do it at some point . He wasn’t t happy but it was was a ‘good lie’ if there is such a thing 
Anyway I managed it , surprisingly I feel closer when I’m in my bedroom close to where it happened. I struggled to sleep but I did it and I’m proud of that . I just want to show my kids I’ll be ok, even if deep down I’ll be ready ti go when my times comes & I’m hoping it’s not too far I’m the future sadly 
Sending big hugs xxx
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His garden, I opened the shed looking for a mower, the shed was very tidy cried myself back to bed.I still cannot touch his tools
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I am a nurse as well, I only shower when I go to work. I come back close and lock the door only unlock for grocery shopping and ack to work. I got rid of our bed, and I am sleeping on my sofa. I have got the energy to buy a new bed. I can’t work the lawn mower for the bush which is now in my backyard
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@Hazel4 it’s so hard isn’t it. It’s only been 5 weeks since my husband passed away but in that time there have been so many things around the house that have broken. My husband would have fixed but I’m clueless. I feel so overwhelmed being responsible for everything while trying to just get through the day. Sending hugs.
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Dear Jan17, I am in the same boat. My husband repaired the washing machine, did everything around the computer, did the electrics, knew where the stop cocks for water and gas is, etc. Just to think that I have to get someone in to repair the garden door etc fills me with fear because I do not anyone who can help me and get craftsmen in - who can I trust without getting ripped off? His pride and joy (his car) is still in our driveway. I cannot open the doors; I think the battery is flat and I feel guilty about the car in such a poor state. It is like I let my husband down. Sending love. Hugs from Anna
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@Annaessex I feel for you. How are we supposed to navigate all this? I have just spent the last 3 hours on the phone sorting out paperwork for companies that have already been contacted and have not done their job! It all seems so overwhelming. Take care
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Oh Annaessex, I so feel your pain.
It is awful. No real words able to describe the pain. I lost Pen 5 months ago today and am struggling big time.
Hour by hour. Day by day. Not sure how else to cope.
Take care of yourself somehow. There are no hard and fast rules to how we navigate this……….
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My husband car is also still outside breaks me every time I look at it but at the same time I’m not ready to let it go xxxx
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One-step at a time … just do one job at a time and you will get there ! Promise. Just do your best with each task. Maybe write a list and cross it off as you do each job so it doesn’t overwhelm you xx
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