As I said if you want to chat please feel free thats how we help each other
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Thank you everyone for your replies and offers of PMs. Iām not ready for 1-2-1 chats yet, but maybe as I work through this I may need to chat.
Today went on forever. I got up late, walked our dog (50% of me wanting to see people and 50% of me wanting to avoid all human contact). Iām hearing that it never really gets better, just different to the life that we had. Iām not looking forward to that.
Iām hopeful that this lovely community will help. My Wife and I pretty much cut people out of our lives over the years, leaving me with only a couple of neighbours that I donāt know really well. They are helpful, but not close friends. My Wife and I wanted a peaceful life (we were never social people), so having to put myself out there now feels fake and takes a lot of effort.
The hospice sounded like they would be a lot more helpful/supportive than they are. Iāve asked, and thereās the weekly Grief Kind group (which isnāt my sort of thing), but that now appears to be all they have. My Wifeās Community Nurse called me the other day and said that the hospice will email me in a month with details about counselling. It feels like the hospice isnāt supportive. (I should have known this because a lot of the things/help on their website isnāt offered. Maybe itās cut backs, but even when my Wife was in the hospice I asked for some related medical help and the Nurse who was supposed to provide this told me to go to my own GP.)
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All here for you. Yes, interference in the marriage and our home was a problem. That, to me, is OK. I didnāt want them in my life then and I do not now and my husband agreed. Being alone in my grief has been best for everyone I think. You are on top of a castle you built together and no one will replace what you built and you did it with purpose. I have appreciated comrades and also the ownership of this path.
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I totally understand the having to put yourself out there thing.
For me it was just me and my hubby we didnt need anyone else we did everything together.
I am slowly trying to.put myself out there but uts very hard.
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You donāt have to be Out There. Be what works for you.
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I agree i dont have to put myself out there. But I would like to make friends and have something to look forward to that alleviate the lonliness and so.i am.
Iāve started attending a craft group once a month which is lovely. Just little things like that help
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I lost my partner 7 months ago suddenly I woke up and he was passed away next to me
He was 40 years old. I know how you feel. The world is carrying on and Iāve lost my best friend. Iām lonely and completely lost.
The only advice I can give you is take it day by day and when bad hour by hour. I find getting out walking my dog helps a bit. just getting out the flat
I wish u some peace itās okay to cry as long as you need to. I cry everyday
Just remember the times that are not quite so bad and hang on to that.
Take care
Liza
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I am sorry for your loss Liza, and thank you for saying how things are with you 7 months on.
Wishing you well,
Rob
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Your mind and body will still be in shock as it is such very early days for you. Reading your post, you have already achieved so much in such a short space of time. Structure and purpose is crucial in these early days and just finding a reason to get up in the morning is all you can hope for at the moment. I am 3 years on and it yes it does get better but takes time, you gradually accept/adjust to the loss and learn to live again and incorporate the grief into your life. Itās important you give yourself the time to process everything fully, grief cannot be rushed or distracted from. Reaching out and expressing how you feel helps a lot. Loneliness is normal and for however long it takes, as this is your unique journey and not comparable to otherās grief. I wanted to say to you how well you are doing but I know that wonāt be your reality of it at the moment. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will stumble and fall but you get up and go again until it becomes your foundations. Most of all trust yourself, trust the process and believe you do and will have a future when you are ready
Take care Lyn
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Iām so sorry for your loss. I think youāll find that most people on here can relate to how you feel. Grief is relentless at times, just rips you apart, changes who you were. My partner died suddenly 4 months ago and sometimes I just think I m having a nightmare and I ll waken up. Rationally I know itās wishful thinking. I hope you can get some comfort from the hospice grief support group. Donāt worry about being the youngest. Older people are hit by the same tsunami of emotions as younger ones and will understand your pain.
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Hi
I lost my husband 5yrs ago and i am still struggling with it there is a lot of reasons behind that as we where a very close couple and that makes it hard we went through everything together and i do mean everything so thats why its so hard for me my husband was 65 when he passed and i was 63 and i thought that it was to.soon,but.listening to you and seeing how young.you lost.your husband is so young my husbands froend died at 40 it is way to young , you just have to take each day aa it comes there will be days where you feel you.cannot go on and i know them days but you just.carry on they say it gets easier but that has not been the case as i would just love him here know but i do know that is never going to happen i never want to replace him as i feel that would be cheating on him but thats me and we are all different we all cope.in different ways and you will find yours give yourself time to.grief for him and be kind to yourself you will always find someone to.talk to on here and you can always talk to me if you would like to sending you big hugs and take care.
Sarah
,
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Thank you Lyn,
Your words are very encouraging and helpful.
After the past 19 months of hell, I am only kept going by adrenaline and cortisol, which enabled me to go to the Registry Office today.
I am losing the concept of time: if Iām doing something, time goes so fast, but when Iām ārestingā time stands still. However, I know I need rest, my Wife would be telling me off in person if she was here!
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Hi stranded
I am sorry you feel that you are running on adrenalin but we all feel like that sometime in all off this you say you want to sleep that is.all part of this process i know i am still like that now i think its our bodys way of coping especially when we loss someone so close to us it all takes time and you need to stop beating yourself up i have done that for far to long and it does not make you feel any better.our bodies have been through the biggest heartache it.will ever go through take care of yourself your beautiful wife would want that for you and please be kind to yourself we are all here for you on here never be afraid to.share how you feel we all understand i know i do sending you the biggest of hugs
Sarah
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8 monthās today. Still feels like yesterday. Alot of people on this site say things do get a bit easier with time. That gives me some hope because at the moment I am hopeless.
I miss my partner so much 40 is no age. Now Iāve got to wait till end of May for the inquest. At last I might get some answers for this misery
Take care everyone
Liza
Your wife is right, as us women usually are lolā¦.rest is key in coping with all you are going through but it will come donāt worry.
Yes I understand running on Cortisol and Adrenaline and for me it was gin and tonic too 
ā¦ā¦ itās āfight or flightā mode, I call it āfearā of everything but it will ease off. My 4 helpers were walking, talking, journaling and football. You will find what works for you and there are plenty of people on here who will provide support when you need it
Lyn
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Rob just checking in tk see how are you coping. Hope you are managing ok.
I know how hard it is in the begining
Take care michelle
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I appreciate that, thanks Michelle @Daisy24
The funeral director visited me today to get me to sign various bits of paperwork. Fliss, my Wife will be in the chapel of rest on Monday so that I can visit her before her cremation on the 17th.
I dealt with this ok, but my GP dismissed my health concerns (we put these aside for 19 months because Fliss became ill), but has since booked me in for a double appointment on Tuesday.
I know that I will join Fliss soon, I always have and everything fell into crystal clear focus in December. I wonāt go into woohoo details on here, but Fliss and I are so connected.
I know that Fliss knows Iām struggling because she got her palliative nurse to call me a few minutes ago to check in on how Iām doing. I didnāt expect this, but Iām grateful for that call.
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