I hit rock bottom

Hi everyone,I lost my husband on 28 of December 2020 after 23 years together.He was my everything,I can’t live without him,I don’t want to live without him!He took my life with him.

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So sorry for your loss. Words that you hear from people is co!d comfort and will probably go straight over tour head at this time. But the pain will ease slowly. Every night I light a candle for my partner. I’m not a religious person which probably makes it more difficult to cope. But it will get better slowly.

Regards.
Peter.

Thanks Peter,I have no life now,I am just existing.I just want him back.I can’t face the reality,I don’t want this reality.

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I feel the same way about my partner. Its been over a year now. I dont want to go anywhere, anymore. I had some crazy thoughts. When i seen him at the chapel of rest, I went to see him 3 times, I just wanted to get inside his coffin and just die their with him. Ive thought sometimes “am I trapped in a parallel universe”? " am I in a nightmare I’m gonna wake up from? ". If I could change places with him, and give him another 10 years I would. When he died I was 50 he was 72. I have awful flash backs of him. I know this won’t help, but your not alone with your feelings.

Peter.

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It’s heartbreaking Peter,I know.People say time heals but I don’t think this way.I think I will be lost forever.This is far to much for me.I miss him ,I want him back.Cristina

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I am so sorry for both your losses, Cristina and Peter. It’s almost 4 months for me after losing my partner of 18 years, like many people say it’s like ‘Groundhog Day’, some days you almost forget it happened when you are in between the sleep/wake state, then your mind clears up for the deep sense of loss to dawn on you like thick black clouds. You often wonder if it’s worth getting out of bed, but you are not tired and the thoughts of him/her keep racing inside your head. You cannot bear those thoughts anymore and manage to get up, make a cup of tea/coffee, sit on the sofa alone sipping and sobbing away… Weekends are the worst as you stare at the clock wondering what to do with the long hours ahead, time would had been so precious then and now you can’t wait for it to pass quick enough.

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Cristina we all know how you feel because we totally understand your pain as we are all experiencing our own pain too. I just don’t want to carry on without Rob but I know he would want me to and I try to make him proud everyday, I also carry on for my kids and grandkids .
It’s just so hard and everything is such an effort . Just to write his name makes me weep but I will never ever forget him I will carry him with me through each day .
Grief is a personal thing there’s no right or wrong way and there’s no limit on it so take all the time you need and if you ever feel you have stopped grieving don’t feel guilty , it’s ok to not be ok .
Sending hugs take care and keep chatting it does help and your not alone x x

i feel a bit of a fraud here as my wife isn’t dead but now in a care home with dementia. But she doesn’t recognise me anymore so my loss is in limbo and i’ve lost permanently my wife, love and friend to the disease. She looks at me not understanding who i am so i’m reminded regularly when i visit that she in all senses has left me…

I don’t see the point in visiting sometimes and i go out of care for her. You see, love doesn’t stop no matter what

Peter

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