Perhaps it is too soon to be posting here because I lost my wife who had been my soul mate for the last 27 years on Saturday. I find my self continuously crying and have even been screaming in anguish
In some ways it was not entirely unexpected. My wife had been seriously ill for several years. Fighting a losing battle with her demons that were the result of a traumatic childhood BUT a month ago she turned her life around. For the first time in many years see strated to see a bright future and she had become stronger and mobile after a year of being essentially house bound. Each day she had a fresh smile that I had not seen for along time.
I still work and had to go away on a two week business trip. Each night we had a lovely phone call about the progress she had made each day but on the evening before my flight home she was complaining of a very sore throat.
The following day at the airport I tried to call her to tell her that my flight was on time but there was no pickup. I was a little concerned but assumed she was asleep because would sometimes go into a very deep sleep.
When I got home there was a police care waiting for me outside my house as well as my son’s car. He had come home to surprise her the day before and found her having passed away in bed.
Perhaps that was too much information but the guilt of going away is tearing me apart. I feel that if I had been there I might have noticed something and been able to get help as I had done a number of times in the past 2 years. I could have cancelled the business trip but she looked so well before I went and she assured me that she would be OK.
I just cannot see how I can ever get over this. To make matters worse I suspect that she passed away while I was at a farewell party some of my colleagues in Houston had arranged for me to celebrate a successful trip. I feel so much that I have let her down. She should not have been alone at the end even if nothing could have been done