My husband died of Leukaemia in Aug 22. He was 46. We were together 21 years and have two children who were 7 and 9 when it all happened. I am still reeling from it all. Four years of treatment with all options on the table to relapse, terminal and 2 months to live. I cannot comprehend any of it and the way everyone around me can just carry on. Friends and family ignore me and won’t talk about it even if I talk about my husband, they change the subject. I know they’re scared to upset me but they are selfish making it about their feelings.
My children want to talk about their dad and no one will. It is like he never even existed and no one cares.
I feel so lonely. I miss being married and having no one to cuddle up to or laugh and chat with. No one to have a takeaway and watch a movie with. My soul mate has gone.
Everyone talks about their partners and jokes about hating them/not being with them etc in front of me. People are so blunt and unfeeling around me. They act as though it doesn’t effect me, like I have moved on or that I am over it.
It is a couples world and I feel so lost. I have my children and absolutely no one else in the world.
I am so sorry that you are going through this Chez3. I lost my wife six weeks ago tomorrow and I already feel the same. People have stopped talking about her and whenever I mention her they quickly change the subject.
It’s as if she doesn’t matter anymore. They treat me like I have had a cold or something and I should be over it by now. A friend came to visit today and all he wanted to talk about was how wonderful his night out was last night with his wife and his friends and their wives. When I mentioned my wife he just ignored me and carried on about his night out. I wanted to throw him out of the house.
I have had absolutely no support whatsoever from any of my family. A couple of friends were all for helping me in the first couple of weeks but they came round twice and I haven’t seen or heard from them since.
I am completely alone in this nightmare. No one cares. They are all getting on with their lives and just ignore me. It feels like my wife’s existence is fading away and it hurts like hell.
The only people who do truly understand the horror we are going through are those who have experienced the loss of a partner themselves.
I feel for you Chez3. The loneliness and isolation is horrendous and I completely understand what you are going through.
Chez, I am so sorry. What a nightmare for you and your children to lose such a young husband and father and for the years of worry. I know you are a mess, foggy, scared, sad, exhausted, worried and I am really sorry. Bless your heart. It is so unfair, so many broken hearts. It is devastation.
Of course you are still reeling and you are going to for quite a while. It is okay and completely normal. We get it. Yes, it is like we stepped into another dimension where we stand still as the world passes by. We are robotic and numb and we all experience the same from friends and family. Their lives continued exactly as they had before your husband died.
I am thrilled that they are enjoying their lives and loved ones while they are all here.
Our lives changed, not theirs. Simple fact. It will never be the same for us, we lost the future we thought we would have and it is scary as h*ll. We are dazed, confused, sad, lonely, just awful. It is awful. And there is no way around it.
I don’t talk to anyone other than my widowed friends about how I feel. They are the only ones who understand. Like we all do here.
Much love.
I am so sorry to read that your husband was taken from you and your children at such a young age. It is utterly heartbreaking to be left alone, longing for your soulmate, best friend and lover to be back with you. We still need them so much. People have no idea what its like until it happens to them and I’m sorry that those around you are so insensitive. Society is so grief illiterate. It would help so much to be able to talk about our loved ones freely because we still love them and they are still so important to us even though they can no longer be with us physically. Thinking of you and your family.