I believe in the power of prayer and your gentle words of support are also like that to me. I am a convert to Catholicism and took the name of St Francis. He believed in the sanctity of all life and facing up to those truths which can only be seen in the light of God. I will treasure your gentle kindness. Thank you. Edward.
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Love your words and picture! Despite the deep loss I have and feel. I need to live and honour my other half and live a life he canât.
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I am so honoured by the thought that you might âstep out of yourselfâ a little and look at grieving you and realise that standing beside you is the love and light of your dear one. I feel for you so very much and know that God will take away the sharp pain and replace it with sorrow, leaving you able to begin to adapt to new realities, not forget, give a different kind of life to memory, for both of you. You are never alone.
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Thank you for your lovely message. If I am helping you in any way I am glad. It is one thing advising and talking to others. It is another being positive yourself. I have hit a âdownâ spot and donât like myself today. I donât know what the trigger is and I suspect itâs more of a chemical thing, but nonetheless real for that. I find intrusive thoughts which make me feel I failed my wife is some way keep coming to me today. It just helps to try and admit it to someone. I know that my feelings of guilt are probably not true but In feel the pain because of that. I must try and follow my own advice. Its like being attacked and I cant fight back. Sorry to be on a downer. I should be helping you.
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No no you must share as well its fine ! We all get like that xxx
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My thought go out to youâŚ
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@Ashuerus
We can support you to, it goes both ways. Itâs a common theme that we feel that we let them down or didnât do enough, failed them. Itâs quite a common theme in our grief and a normal response that people have mentioned in other posts.
I donât know your circumstances but would assume if you hurt this much, you loved this much and therefore would not have done anything intentionally to fail your partner. Iâm sure you spent most of your relationship looking after her and protecting her.
A counsellor told me that when dark thoughts come in, just focus on the facts, the facts of what you know to be true. Donât try and create something or a situation that didnât exist, as our minds can play some awful tricks on us when it wants to.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Thanks so much. I would have stood up to a regiment of soldiers for dear Mary, and she knew that. I remember saying I would always be there for her and she replied that that was wonderful. I thinks itâs the feeling of helpless now she is gone. I just want to give her a big hug and hold her because I know she was frightened, bless her. I was determined she would remain at home and we would be together. There nothing wrong on my conscience thatâs awful, but I think itâs the guilty feeling that comes from feeling I am here and she is not. I will always love the wee soul. We were together for a reason. I suffered a cardiac arrest fourteen years ago and was flatlined for 5 minutes. I have always felt I was sent back to care for her. There were behavioural problems in the early stages of her dementia before she was properly diagnosed, but I didnât mind being âdemonised,â and I knew she was Iâll when the rest of the family were in denial. That bit was very hard, but we got over it, I was thicker skinned although I should probably have had a haircut. In writing this to you I feel that I was blessed and privileged to be able to be here and have the health to look after her, my pet. I feel lots better now and have probably succeeded in making you feel worse. I hope not. You sound strong. We have to and after a while bad times become a memory of bad times, and lose their power. I hope you are ok dear person and I pray that you have the peace of being reconciled to things a bit and continue to love as I believe you still are. There is nothing greater than love. Edward.
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@Ashuerus
Thank you. You have not made me worse. Thank you for your prayers, I hope they help me. Yes I loved and was loved back. Love is a power in itself.
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By realising what you have said about love tells me you have started your journey towards recovery and healing, you will come through this if you hold your nerve and be leave in your self, there will be dark days ahead, I have been through it my self, only you know how you really feel and we never get over a deep, life changing bereavement but we do get used to it and I promise you if you cultivate good company and have a positive outlook things will improve, take up a new hobby, power lifting or para gliding if it floats your boat and donât feel guilty about having a good time, read âyou are not aloneâ by Cariad Lloyd, she knows all about it, you have been loved and you may find love again
when you are ready for it, be brave, I am thinking off you.
Tim
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@tim007
Thank you. Such a positive message. My positivity has wained this week and itâs been hard but I will rise above it again. Sorry for your losses. Life can certainly be cruel xx
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Its nice to be appreciated, I hope I am making a difference, we have all suffered terrible loss but the parts are grater then the sum and together we can rise above it, enjoy your weekend and get out if the weather is nice.
Tim
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