I lost my mum suddenly on 17/02/2025.
All my days since have been a haze of tears, I don’t know how I have managed to get through them and sort everything out that needed to be done, but I have.
I feel so lost, and any little thing sets me off.
Today was my first full day alone since Mum passed, and I spent the whole day in tears.
I’m not sleeping well at all, when I do fall asleep I jolt awake either crying or screaming. I just want to be with my mum.
I know I have to try and be string as I have a 15 year old daughter who suffers with her mental health, but it’s so difficult. I just want to scream at the world for taking my mum from me.
Growing up, mum was all we ever had, and she was my best friend, I would go to work with her rather than hang out with my friends as she was my happy place, my safe place. She helped raise my daughter when I became a single parent and worked nights. We had many holidays abroad and always took mum with us, and I will always treasure the memories we made.
No one can ever prepare you for the loss of your parent, the pain is indescribable.
It hurts to breath most of the time, if I ever catch myself smiling at something I then feel so guilty.
I spent as much time as I could with my mum, but I feel guilty for not spending more time with her, I feel robbed.
I was with mum the day before she passed as she hadn’t been feeling too great, her stomach was bloated and she was super tired all the time. I told her we would take her to the hospital but she outright told me NO, I should have just taken her. Why did I go home and leave her there? I will never ever forgive myself for leaving that afternoon.
When I went back round the next day after work she was gone.
Mum had to have a Post-mortem, and that showed she had Cirrhosis of the liver, but never in my life had she even touched a drop of alcohol… Why didn’t I see the signs?
I just don’t see how I will ever move forward from this.
So sorry for ranting on, I just needed a safe space to get this out.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Not that those words will help ease the pain your feeling.
I just had to comment and say please, please don’t blame yourself. You have nothing to ‘forgive’ yourself for. It’s so easy to think of all the what ifs when a loved one dies but they wouldn’t want you to dwell on that.
You will continue to live your life and your mum will always be with you as you are half her. By carrying on each day you live in her honour.
Once again I’m so so sorry and I wish there was a way to make it easier.
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Hi, I am so very sorry for your loss. I think what woodchuck said is very true, you should not blame yourself. Your mum obviously loved you very much and she would not want you to blame yourself, she wants you to be happy and you are NOT to blame.
I lost my beloved dad last August and there was a time that the tears just would not stop. I still cry for him, think of him first and last thing but what has comforted hugely is what that ape told Simba in Disney ‘The lion king’ - our parents live in us. We were made from them. My dad was the most loveliest, kindest, gentleman and I know like your mum - they don’t want us to suffer.
You are not ranting, talk as much as you want. Sending you a virtual hug and hope that the pain will lessen.
Your mum would not want u to feel guilty, take each day hour by hour,
Baby steps ,
I lost my mum 3 weeks ago and the pain is horrific, I try to get thru each day the best I can -
So far I end up in bed in the dark most days by late afternoon,
It’s easier then facing life where everything else in the world around u just keeps moving
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Hi @Mel1975 I am so sorry for your loss. Your mum would not want you to feel sad too long. She is always with you as you are part of her.
I know how you feel, I have a constant ache for my dad who died in August.
Hope things get easier for you.
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Thank you, I know it’s early days,
I’m sorry for your loss,
Sending u a hug 
xxx
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Thanks @Mel1975 sending you one too. xxx
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Reading this reminded me exactly what we went through when we lost my precious mum 12 th Dec 24. She was run over coming home Christmas shopping. The first week was a blare I was considering ways of ending my life and my childrens as couldn’t think of living in a world without her. That day she had gone to see my daughter who had been sent home from work with anxiety to help her. Why didn’t I go I was off work and maybe this would not have happened. My daughter blames herself as she gave her a voucher and she went into town to use that. My sister and Dad blame themselves as they did not pick her up from train station so she walked home it happened less than 5 minutes from her home.
I have returned to work on Monday which is something I never thought I’d do. Day by day it gets easier. It’s is still a massive struggle, but it does get easier.
The world is a darker place I don’t look forward to things like I used to, we had so many plans. Like you I was a single mum moved back in with my mum and dad and my daughter is extremely close to my mum. They used to go to concerts we would go on holiday and had plans of going to New York this year for my nephews birthday.
I am in a better place than I was where you are at now, just learning to adjust to life without our matriarch
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Am sorry i no how u feel i lost my dad in 23 12 moths later lost my mum its so hard its only just hiting me now
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It is so heartbreaking. Our parents loved us so very much, they would want us to be happy. Please don’t blame yourself.
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This must be really really hard for you Colin. My Dad is not the same person he was when my mum was here.
Death is inevitable, but we are never prepared for it and will spend the rest of our lives missing them
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I know she really wouldn’t. Just so needless that someone got on their car and didn’t think about the consequences of their actions that day.
I never thought I’d survive without my mum but I’m doing it. It’s not easy but I’m managing.
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It is make it worse none of my famly talking to me for last 12 months coz my bro is on durgs he rings every one i get the backlash
I am so sorry for your loss. My own beautiful mum died on 10 February 2025 and i am going through the same. I also have the guilt aspect as i think i somehow could have prevented her dying although all consultants disagree. I was by her bedside for a week in hospital. On the day she died i had sat talking and singing to her for six hours then I left to get some sleep. I was still in the hospital when i received a call saying she had died alone as soon as i left. My mum was also my besr friend and i dread waking up each morning as life is unbearable. I will be starting counselling tomorrow and hope it helps. You clearly gave lots of support and happiness to your mum so please look after yourself sweetie. Those of us who have had the closest bonds unfortunately suffer the greatest grief. Xx
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So glad you are managing. It is heartbreaking losing your mum in that way. Hope you can find comfort here.
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I feel for you. I know sometimes because the missing her is so unbearable I wish she want such a good mum, but in time when I can think about my memories . I am sure I won’t think this anymore