hi, everyone. to preface, i’m new to this site and i don’t really know what to do, i just really need some advice if it can be offered?
i lost my mum on the 28th of feb this year (so a little over 3 weeks ago). she was fine the friday morning, and she was gone the saturday. she went in with stomach pain, that’s all.
i feel like i’ve not even had chance to think about it yet, there’s been so much to do. i’m in my first year at uni, so i had to let student finance know, as well as each department i’m studying, occupational therapy, etc. not to mention looking after my sister and step dad (dad is not in the picture). it just feels like i’m not feeling what i’m meant to be feeling, and i feel guilty for that. i’m just so scared of the future right now, where i’m going to live, uni, family, etc.
my step dad keeps commenting about building a relationship with my dad, and me and my sister both agree he wants us out of the house. i do not want this. and i am terrified. my dad won’t take us, and if step dad kicks us out, we’re going to be made homeless.
then i’ve got uni on my back pestering me (which, i know, is their job), but i just feel so busy and my head is so full i’m worrying about the wrong things.
i was just hoping i could get some advice? i don’t know what to do about the living situation, or university, and i can’t even ask her because she’s not here. i just don’t know what to do.
Hang on in there. There is no right way to be feeling. Everyone is different and you feel what you feel and however you feel right now is ok and don’t let anyone tell you different. You may still be in shock and you may feel different tomorrow and different again next week and all of that is okay. It’s whatever you need to get you through.
I’d get hold of the university counsellors if I were you, they can intervene for you with your professors and help ensure you get support and not just nagging. Ironically, my mother who I recently lost which is why I’m on this site was herself a student counsellor at a university so I know what I’m talking about here.
You don’t know yet for sure that your stepdad wants you out of the house, but even if he does what happens next is likely to depend on if your mother left a will and if so what it said. See if there are any relatives you trust who can advise you on if there is a will and where it might be. Citizens Advice can also help you here with advice on what happens next so I’d give them a call. Take your time, try and rest and eat as everything is so much harder (yes it can be even harder) when you’re tired and not looking after yourself. And if it all gets too much, there are some wonderful helplines you can call to talk through how you’re feeling without judgement and they can help you clarify your thinking. I’m not saying this is easy. It’s utterly utterly dreadful but don’t push yourself too hard - work on getting through the day and then work on getting through the next day and look after yourself and hang on in there. It’s very very recent and very very raw for you now and I’m not saying it gets much easier because it doesn’t but you get more used to the situation and more used to how you’re feeling which is at least familiar. Hugs. J
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Sorry for your loss- I would get in touch with the students union and citizens advice as they should both be able to give practical advice. I think your rights may depend on where you live, wills etc so probably best to seek help with that. When my Dad passed there was so much to do and I had to be the practical one and help my mum and brother. I just wanted to cry but I had to do what I could in the time I had. You should be able to get extra support though uni and most unis are great even if you have to consider going part time to work the rest of the time to fund your degree. There will be lots of options it’s more making sure you have somewhere to live afterwards. If you have siblings and want to stay with them that also needs to be considered so i think get some advice first and don’t be afraid to ask for help etc.
@s0rr3ll oh bless you, I read this and my heart breaks for you. I have sons your age and they lost my husband/their dad suddenly and that has been hard enough.
Well done for coping so far. It sounds like you are doing so well just to keep going and I’m not surprised you’re feeling the way you do.
As previous messages said, contact student counsellors and citizens advice. Keep communicating with student counsellors and finance - better to keep them informed asap so they’re aware of your financial situation and that your trying to work on it.
also you don’t mention your sister’s age. If she’s under 18 you may be eligible for additional support? Housing?
I’m afraid I don’t know any more but hopefully someone on this forum may have some knowledge.
Perhaps you could put a post on this forum with a heading saying anyone have any financial / housing knowledge? You have a ready pool of people who are so kind and supportive and may have info that can help.
Keep seeking help from university - your situation must be so hard and take all the support you can get for your own wellbeing - you are very young to be dealing with so much.
Sending hugs. You are doing so well