Hello, firstly, i would like to offer my deepest sympathy to everyone missing a loved one.
I lost my partner on Monday. I was there at the end, 999 on the phone and attempting CPR for 20mins until the ambulance arrived. I’m still in shock and probably traumatised. I have to stay strong for the children, but inside, more than anything, i want to join her.
And i know it is only the start and probably to be expected but the heartbreak is overwhelming. If not for the children i probably wouldn’t be here. Even tho they are adults, I’m trying to keep them whole, whilst crumbling on the inside myself.
Has anyone else been so distraught and come out the otherside.
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Hello @JR124. First of all let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago. It was very sudden and unexpected, we had plans for that day. Like you, I did CPR until the ambulances arrived. I’d like to say I remember those first few days very well but I don’t. The shock and trauma practically shut myself and my 3 adult children down completely. They don’t remember much either. You are in the very early days and are shocked and traumatised by events. The only advice I can give you is to do exactly what you feel you need to do in any given moment. If you want to stay in bed all day and wail then do so! My family and I didn’t hide our grief from each other and I think that’s helped us but I know everyone reacts differently. I wish I could lessen your pain for you - I know it’s excruciating and unbearable and when I’m the depths of despair you just feel like you can’t continue. I’ve felt like that and it’s horrific, there’s no pain like it. Eight weeks on, it is a little easier and the full on meltdowns are definitely less often but still painful when they come. Keep posting and reading on the forum. We are all here for you to rant and rave at. We all understand. Big cuddles to you and your children xx. Jean.
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I lost my husband in july. I had to arrange everything no children and friends / Family never offered
i am still dealing with the tax office as he was self employed. no empathy there
on top of that i couldnt afford to stay in the home we rented( ive lived down south 40years) i packed sorted everything again on my own. My “best friend” of thirty years wouldnt speak to me as i was moving and called me selfish😳 she has husband , family and lots of friends i was left on my own as people went on holiday
i am very happy where i live. i dont see family much as they work but that suits me as they dont understand im greiving and i cant be bothered sometimes to get dressed or do anything
I have had an awful virus just getting better but my sister asks why? when i say im not well
i think its everything and taking longer to get better
Until. someone experiences this they do not understand and think we should be okay after a few months. This is a good site as we all understand the pain of losing someone😕
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I know this may seem slightly different as I lost my ex husband
on Tuesday after 6 weeks of him being in a coma. He was only 52 and we have 3 boys together the youngest being 14. We were together for 30 years. Only those closest to me understand my grief which is overwhelming. We were amicable to the end and only separated 3 years but its brought back every good and bad memory we ever shared. The guilt for leaving him is awful. Im helping my sons to organise the funeral. He has a partner who hes been with for a few years who is also suffering dreadfully but as the ex I dont know what I should feel but believe me its horrendous and dealing with your own grief and that of your children is awful. Its turned our world upside down. I feel its all I talk and think about. I know its part of the process but Ive never experienced anything like it. My heart goes out to everyone feeling like this. Carrying on as normal when all you want to do is cry and scream with the anger you feel at the situation.
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I’m so so sorry JR124. I lost my husband in the same way just over 2 weeks ago, though he was very ill. 999 on the phone, CPR until the ambulance arrived. It’s an awful situation to be in but we did our best for them, we tried. Our hearts are breaking but we carry on because of our adult children. We can only hope that time is a healer and we do come out the other side. My thoughts are with you.
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Thank you for sharing and i am so sorry for your loss.
My partner was the most caring person ever and as much as i have lived on my own before. I can work a washing machine and everything, dont need a mother/housekeeper. The empty feeling in the house, the person not there beside me in the morning. Not there to hear her voice, even if telling me I’m doing something wrong. And i know today is very early days for me but i simply can’t imagine feeling differently, ever.
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Hi Nett
I’m sorry to hear you’ve faced it all on your own. I was estranged from my partners family, she wasn’t, but they have all reached out and are going to help with funeral arrangements etc, A small mercy. You are obviously a very strong person. I hope i can be .
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Hi Jean
You will know exactly how I’m feeling. So sorry you had to go through it too.
If i could have swapped places with my partner, if only to give her back to the world, but i wouldn’t have wanted her to feel this pain. But her children would have their mother back.
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Apologies Angelcake, my first reply was for yourself and forgot to put your user name to it.
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Very sorry to hear that Maz250. Don’t even know if i won’t to not feel pain, guilty etc, and struggling to believe its even possible
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JR124
Like you i there with my husband 999 didn’t help me I lost him with no warning
I have several times that I can’t do this and want to be with him i am jealous as he is with my mum and i am here but he would hate me feeling like this and would want me to support our daughter
So yes it does get easier I lost my best friend soulmate and husband on 15 August I have bad days but I know he would want me to be happy and life on so I don’t get silly ideas now
I talk to him, so talk to your wife and I am sure she would want you to be happy
@JR124 my sincerest condolences to you. I can completely empathise with your heartbreak and distress. I’m sad to say I too witnessed the traumatic death of my husband of 45 years some 17 months ago. He was 67 and met him when I was 17 and he had just turned 20. The first few months after his death were a bit of a blur but I do remember not caring if I lived or died. Crying, searching for him, calling out, not eating, barely sleeping, then not wanting to get up when I finally did go to bed and sleep. Dealing with the inquest added to my trauma.
We have two adult children and three grandchildren. Our family and friends have been a huge support but what I’ve come to understand is that although they love and miss him terribly, fundamentally the routine of their lives hasn’t really change. Mine however, has changed totally. I’m a different person now, my life is different and not what I was expecting it to be. As time has passed I still cry, I still miss him, I still grieve but I also live, laugh and hope. I do it with my husband in mind and in my heart. When he died, part of me died with him but he also left part of himself with me - in our love, in my memories, in our children and grandchildren. I talk about him all the time to keep his memory alive. I don’t think we ever stop grieving but given time alongside the tears there are glimpses of hope, times to smile and even laugh, times when we breathe, are calm and comforted. They are times to rest and regain some strength to carry on. It’s exhausting and we all deal with it in our own way. Be gentle with yourself, life is tough enough. One moment at a time, one day at a time, don’t forget to breath deeply. I wish you love, comfort, courage and hope as you navigate your way through this heartbreak of grief. Take care.
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Nett
I , like you are having to deal with the tax iffice. My hubby was a s/employed gas engineer with his own business. It is a one man band but ive had to cancel up and coming services. Now will have to wind his business down. We are not rich, he loved doing the job but on dec 12th he left for wirk, said love you see you later, drove off in his van then collapsed at a customers home. He was bluelighted to Addenbrookes where after a 5hr operation he was prounced brain dead fro. A massive hemorrhage.
His funeral was friday…ive cried so so much. He was 65 and due to retire in 7mths when he would receive his state pension. We had a cruise booked and looking forward to enjoying life together.
Its such a shock abd the pain in your heart is indescribable isnt it?
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Hi @nett. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. Yes, the pain is excruciating. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago. We ran a Hedgehog Rescue together. He died very suddenly one morning so my life was turned upside down in an instant. We all know the pain you are suffering and we are all just taking one moment at a time. Keep reading and posting on here. I’ve found it an enormous help. I hope you have good support around you. Big cuddle to you. Jean xx.
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I am with you Jean this page has helped me my husband died in his sleep I am 48 and he was 62 we did everything together we worked and played
I have given up my job and just started a new in job in 2023 as I couldn’t work without him
This group has got me and our daughter through so much we lost him 15 August I still cry myself to sleep and I talk to him everyday
Hi, I’m 7 months down the line. Like you, l had to do CPR on my husband until paramedics arrived. It was a while as I live in the countryside. They worked on him for over an hour, but he’d gone. I’ve cried everyday since them, though if someone visits I can keep it together. I try to do different things as a distraction, but get caught out by little things. Yesterday I was watching TV when suddenly one of the characters had to do CPR, I was suddenly reliving it again. I think all we can hope is that those moments will lessen. The grief will stay, how can it not when you’ve lived most of your life with someone who’s now not there? I try to remember the many good times we had. You must take care of yourself and get help from your GP if you’re not sleeping. I was feeling terrible for months, but when I eventually went to my GP was sent straight to hospital and was diagnosed with heart failure. I assumed the way I felt was all due to my grief, but now have been put on oxygen over night and have started the road to physical recovery. The medical staff have been wonderful and so caring. My sadness can still be overwhelming, but being able to sleep and feeling better with higher oxygen levels in my blood is helping me cope. Get help where you can, there are no medals for having a stiff upper lip! Like everyone one else here, I’m sending you my best wishes. We understand what you’re going through where even best friends who haven’t experienced loss like ours, can’t. x
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