I just seem to be getting worse.

My husband of 32 years died in November and with a 20 year age gap between us I knew he would go first. I also knew the grieving would be bad but this is way worse than I could ever have imagined. I have been through counselling but I just seem to get worse each day. I have no children or family so I am totally alone and don’t think I can take this much longer.

Dear Nina
I am so sorry to hear about the death of your husband, it must still be such a difficult time for you. I have heard that how much you grieve is in proportion to how much you love so it sounds like your husband was loved indeed. Although I am only at the beginning of my grief journey, I lost my beloved 24 year old son on 4th May this year, I have learnt that whatever the circumstance, grief is intense and overwhelming. There have been days when I do not know how I am going to get through it and although I am blessed to have a loving family and many friends I sometimes still feel utterly alone. Only those who are grieving too can understand our pain.
Websites like this one are great for being able to talk to people who really understand. People say to me that I am stronge, this is rubbish, I am not strong I just have no choice, what else can I do but carry on and look after my other two children.
I hope you can find people who you can connect with.
Write back if you feel you need to chat
Take care
Janet

Thank you Janet for your kindness especially when you are grieving yourself xx

Hello Nina. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your beloved husband. I lost my partner in July and like your relationship there was a substantial age gap in ours. It does not make things one bit easier. Believe me, I know what you mean. There’s nothing which can prepare you for the loss of someone you loved deeply. It’s a cliche but just take one day at a time. Please hold on and keep going. I’ve found posting on and reading the posts on this board helpful. We’re all in this together. Take care of yourself. x

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Hi Nina

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I lost my Barrie 20 months ago, and find it difficult to cope, I was 10 years younger than Barrie and we had no children, just lived for one another, so although I have two sisters, I still feel very much alone, we did everything together. Most days are pretty rough but they say take one day at a time and if that doesn’t help one hour at a time. Whilst people are very kind unless they have gone through losing a spouse they don’t fully understand how deep the grief goes. I have joined a bereavement group ,we meet each week it makes me realise that we are not alone and there are many of us going through the same emotions. As my dear dad used to say ‘Keep you pecker up and don’t lose heart’

Chrissy

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