I’m sure everyone on here feels the same as I do. All I want is my husband back and a return to the life we shared together. I know this can’t happen but the pain is still so raw if I really think about the finality of our life together.
It’s been nearly 33 weeks now and I still just can’t accept what happened. He was gone within seven weeks of a cancer diagnosis. It seems like yesterday and I can’t seem to move beyond these feelings.
We were so happy together and had many travel plans for when COVID restrictions were lifted. I just seem to live day by day with no real plans for the future.
Some people on this site seem to be able to move forward with their lives but I just can’t. The reality is I’m on my own. Family and friends are supportive but they can never replace what I have lost.
Take care everyone as it’s a really sad, lonely and difficult journey we are all on,
Julie
I understand everything you have wrote,my husband passed away 18 weeks ago I still find it hard to believe all our plans for holidays all gone
Every day is so monotonous now,its a lonely life without him
I do have help from my 2 adult children but all I want is our life back I can’t imagine ever being happy again
First time I have ever lived on my own feel so stressed and anxious,
Take care,hope we get some sleep tonight but I doubt it
I do so agree with both Christine and Julie. I lost my husband last June and I have been living on my own ever since. I have been approached by the widowed friend of a friend for casual outings to restaurants, theatre etc but I have no interest in going anywhere with anyone but my Paul. Having no children we have been fortunate enough to have very many fabulous holidays over our 54 years together but now I find that looking at the photographs is more upsetting than comforting. Will I ever be able to look upon them as happy times again?
Sue
Hi Isambardswife
Sorry for your loss,we were also married for 51yrs,Steve passed away at the end of September,I think of him every minute a friend said we should go for lunch but like you I only want to be with Steve nothing interests me now
I do have photos of him around the house,hopefully will be able to look at our wonderful holidays photos one day but I agree it’s it’s very hard,this grief is very painful still find it hard to believe I will never see him again
It’s good to be able to express ourselves on here
I am sorry to hear the loss of your loved ones. May their soul rest in peace and may God give you enough courage and strength to bear the loss of the loved one.
I have read all.your posts…its absolutely unbearable isnt it.
I lost my husband last August, he fell ill on 6th June, we got the full diagnosis on 5th August and he passed away on the 10th August.
I still can’t get my head around it…I have a good family and many friends that have all been wonderful…
But…all I want is my old life back and my wonderful husband of 45 years and we had been together for 49 years. I hate how I feel and how I cry every day, I just want my old life, my husband and me back…breaks my heart…
I totally empathise with you . I lost my soulmate seven months ago to pancreatic cancer after 54 years of a happy marriage. My life has changed not having him by my side. Some days are unbearable I cannot face looking in the wardrobe at all his clothes and shoes I still feel he is going to walk in the front door Accepting he is not coming back is very hard to accept. Found comfort in reading others feel the same way and I am not alone on this awful journey of bereavement.
Trixie1 reading your post is as if I’m reading about my own feelings and emotions the only difference is Rob didn’t have weeks of illness he was taking within 5 hours with no prior warnings so it was right out the blue which knocked me for six.
This horrendous lonely journey is the hardest journey I have ever made in my entire life.
Everyday is just more confirmation that he’s not going to return I miss him SO much more than words can say .
All we can do unfortunately is support each other as best we can and just wade through the rest of our days take care sending hugs xx Karen
Chrissy2
Sorry for your loss,my husband passed 19 weeks ago tomorrow,we were married 51yrs,I have kept Steve’s clothes and personal items exactly how he left them,don’t think I will ever move them
At the start I thought no-one else could feel the grief I’m feeling but being on this site realise there are so many of us going through the nightmare of losing our loved ones
We can express ourselves on here
Your right I feel the same, although I hate to think.others are going through this, it does make you realise unfortunately your not alone and others in the same awful situation understand…take care…x
I can totally empathise with that. I can’t look at photos and I find that when people tell my that at least I have my memories I scream inside because those memories upset me. We were together for 49 years, married for 48 years. He had 17 months of pain and sickness, chemo and immunotherapy. He didn’t drink or smoke, worked hard all his life. He was 6’2, not overweight and swam, cycled, walked the dog for miles every day and used to do karate when he was younger. He was funny and loving. I too don’t want to go anywhere without him. I reached retirement age in December 21 but he died in July. We had so many plans. I work two days a week to have a little bit of extra money but really I jut want to stay in bed and cry.
Like most of us here I have good days and bad days. Sometimes it suddenly hits me like a hammer that it’s forever - he’s never coming home.
I sympathise with everyone here and I get some comfort from knowing that I’m not the only one but I do so feel alone without Paul. I’ve had a pleasant day out today with lots of company but but but ----
Does anyone feel it more after a day in company?
Yes…I know exactly what your saying.
I’ve had a few awful days and today had my grandson so.had a lovely day
.but it doesn’t sit easy.
We have a timeshare in Tenerife for 2 weeks I’m February which is next week…
My husband wanted me to go.
My daughter is coming for 1 week and a friend coming for the second week…
I have to try but its going to be so hard
This is all so hard isn’t it
…
I know exactly how you feel. I can be “fine” for a couple of hours then as soon as I stop being busy it hits me again, he ins’t coming home from hospital and I am alone. Looking at photographs is like being stabbed but I cannot bear not being able to see him even in photos even though they hurt. It helps abit knowing that I am not alone in these horrible unending feelings. People think I am strong but I really am not and have to say I really wouldnt mind a catastrophic diagnosis myself now, at least there would be an end to all this. I know that sounds melodramatic and I have no suicide wish, it just seems never ending and I know I have to keep going even if I don’t want to. Sorry to ramble.
Oh bless ya…its awful isn’t it.
We have a timeshare in Tenerife and my husband said I had to go, so for that reason alone I’m going, with my family for a week and my friend is coming the second week. I’m so apprehensive about it not sure I’m doing the right thing…leaving home is like leaving a comfort blanket…I will try and relax but its gonna be so hard with all those memories. Another first…
GMM
You’re not rambling, you’re saying it how it is is. Earlier today day my mobile phone beeped to say I had a message and I momentarily thought it would be Paul.
It doesn’t happen every time the phone beeps but when it does the feeling is awful - the hope that arises and is then dashed it’s just terrible. I desperately want him back but I could never replace him.
Oh bless ya, things like that happen all the time…I see men in the street, walking, that look slightly like my Brendan I take a second look…so I know what you are saying…its natural.but so hard…x
Oh yes, isn’t that the hardest thing… I saw a man coming towards me on my walk the other day and he was Ian’s height & build and was wearing a similar jacket to one of Ian’s…it absolutely makes your stomach turn over xx
