I just want my life back!

Maybe its this time of year, I’m doing everything humanly possible to avoid all things Christmas. Martin and I were meant to be flying to Lanzarote on the 12th, and my heart is broken.

It’s the first one without him, and I’m struggling. We made such a big fuss, although we don’t have children. I’m not celebrating at all, why would I? I turned down the invitation to spend the day with Martin’s family, instead my lovely brother is giving up his day to spend a “normal day”with me.

I just want my life back… this is so bloody hard… :broken_heart:x


Dear Dottie

You’re so right, life is hard when all we want is our old one back. This will be my second Christmas without Ian and there won’t be a decoration or card in sight! I’m lucky that I can stay with my son in Spain, as I did last year, where it is much more low key than in the UK.

Take care of yourself,


I am struggling too. Normally this time of year would be festive, we were due to go out for Christmas lunch as we always did, we had no kids either. Having to cancel was hard.

I’m going to spend the day at home on my own as I have no desire to be with others even though I have had offers.

I’ve also had to cancel a holiday, we had booked to go to Cape Verde in April/May to celebrate my 60th and Ken’s 65th, we were really looking forward to it.

I’m trying to take one day at a time, I went to our local on my own this afternoon and had a couple of drinks with the guys Ken and I always sat with, but as soon as I got back through the front door it’s been tears again. At least I have my lovely cat Pixie on my lap now giving me some comfort.

I really want my old life though, I’m scared about the future.


Hi JasmineJelly,

Your post has just brought tears to my eyes. Sending you a hug.X


Thanks Loobyloo, gonna be a long road, only 10 weeks in. Hugs to you too xx


It is so hard, especially this time of year when everything involves family and getting together. Sending you my love and support.

This is my 1st Xmas without my partner who I lost suddenly in Feb this year he was only 36. Its our daughters birthday next week along with my father in laws, following week is my birthday followed by Xmas then his birthday on 27th and I am finding it very overwhelming.

Love to you xxx


It’s just hateful; no one will understand until they walk a mile in our shoes…:broken_heart:…. I’m just sitting here thinking, we would be packing our cases, excited about the trip ( we had planned to spend a night in Dublin the night before) I have nothing, absolutely nothing; I’m heartbroken… sending love to you all… x​:heart::broken_heart:


Exactly right about others not understanding @Dottie72 . I know I certainly didn’t until losing my darling husband. It’s grief beyond belief isn’t it?

I am 8 months in and at least some things are easier. The disbelief is less so the push to start some sort of life is beginning.
Sending love to all. xxx

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