It’s been 10 days since he left me. I collected his car yesterday and someone reversed into it whilst it was parked at my parents. I feel like nothing goes right. I’m due to meet with some friends of ours today . I’m not sure l want to go. It might help talking about him but it brings it all to the surface. Coroner rang Thursday to say they are performing a digital autopsy. I don’t want it to be real. I still feel like he’s here. It’s so painful
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Oh my dear @Kearray - what a lot you are carrying, what a loss you have suffered. You are in the very earliest days of grief and you are doing better than you may think. You will feel his presence with you, even though he is not visible - at least, that what I found when my husband died. Your love goes on - and its strength and your bond will never be broken. Don’t shy away from letting your grief come out - your friends will understand and will likely grieve with you. Grief is an odd thing - it hurts so very, very much, I know only too well - but for me, over the past two years, it has also been a strange healing for me - making me stronger, wiser, more aware of the deep preciousness of life. Go well today, hold tight, your friends on this site are with you x
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People are asking what I’ll do with his car or when l will sort his stuff. I want to scream . I’m just getting through each day. Im going to meet friends but one friend said I hadn’t called her. Why should l? It’s my grief. My partner. My soulmate. Makes me really angry
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Look - you go at your own pace ! Not anybody elses. Take care xxx
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I am absolutely with you. I lost the love of my life with no warning a week ago. Last Sunday we were talking about our wedding and today I am having to think about his funeral. It is unbearable. There is so much to sort out, so many decisions. And now everything stops for Christmas. I am also waiting for the coroner. The first postmortem wasn’t conclusive apparently so they have to keep him to do ‘further tests’. I don’t actually care what the cause was. He’s gone and no scientific explanation will change that. My amazing son is doing lots of the practical stuff for me which feels wrong because it should be me looking after him but I have to accept all the help I can get. Don’t feel guilty if you do too. Although one friend called less than 24 hours after Alan had passed to see if I would like to help with the church Christmas party the next day to ‘ take my mind off it’!!! How about NO. But they were only trying to help I guess.
I just wanted you to know that there is someone else feeling just like you do right now and please feel free to vent if you need to. It’s you that’s important right now and whatever you do has to be right for you. Take care hun x
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Thank you I will light a candle for him this evening. I speak to him and message him everyday. I hope to dream about him but the exhaustion takes that away. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow but I will try to celebrate him xx
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I’m so sorry you are going through this too. The pain is overwhelming. The grief is exhausting. I can’t focus on Christmas but l have to try for the family. I’m tired. I ordered my funeral outfit last night. Not sure why just on autopilot. I want to make him proud. I also have so much to sort out. I just need Christmas out of the way.my anxiety is through the roof. I’m also going to get grief counselling xx
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I think he will be super proud of you. I have no idea what to wear for the funeral ( which isn’t for another 3 weeks and even that depends on the coroner). I also have to decide which of Alan’s clothes to give to the funeral director. It’s torture. I think you are doing so well. I’m struggling to get out of bed this morning but I’m going to try to go down to the sea later. I hope I may feel Alan’s presence there (he loved it) because I don’t at home sadly. Take care today and be so proud of yourself. X
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I haven’t spoke to funeral directors because l don’t have a death certificate. Can l still make arrangements? I want him in the chapel of rest. I’m so confused as to what l can and can’t do x
I look for Mark anywhere and everywhere. I wear his ring, smell his aftershave. I’m desperate for a sign he’s here. I’ve been shopping this morning. Been listening to his music. I laugh, I cry then go numb. Then a searing pain passes through me when l realise l won’t see him again. I hope you feel him near you. My friend lost her partner and also my friend in February. He was 37. We are both living this nightmare x
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You can see the funeral director. They can make all the arrangements for you. We were there for 3 hours and she was lovely. Just let me talk and cry and she spoke about Alan like he had a say in it all. It was a good experience. It’s really strange but we had a conversation last week about how awful for people to be in the hospital for Christmas. The coroner released him yesterday ( even though he hasn’t finished the PM yet) so he will be in the chapel of rest. It’s not a chapel actually, more like a little lounge. And I can go to sit with him for as long or as often as I like. I’m scared to see him like that so I can choose to keep the lid on if I want to. I would say go and see the funeral director when they open after Christmas. Definitely. X
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Thank you. I will. I want to see him. I saw my friend in February. He looked good. I will ring them Wednesday. I know l need to sort things. They are going to do a digital autopsy so with it being Xmas l don’t know the timescale xx