I lost my wife of 38 years suddenly 7 weeks ago, I am 61 years old, we didn’t have children, I have no family close by. I have returned to my job, but this is online. I do have some friends that come around at least once a week. Its the times I’m alone, all I want to do is cry. I feel I am in some sort of bad dream, that I can’t wake from. Will I ever feel better?
2 Likes
I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my wife six weeks ago today and I am reliving every minute of it. I keep looking at the clock and remembering every detail.
Lillian was only 57 and died suddenly of a blood clot. She was gone in fifteen minutes. We were together for forty years.
I don’t have any family for support and friends have drifted away now so I understand the pain of being alone. It’s an absolute nightmare.
I try to keep myself busy but the agony just won’t go away. It’s still really early days for you as it is for me and people tell me things will get better with time but I can’t see how. All I want is my Lillian back and I know that’s not going to happen.
I think the pain may lessen but I don’t think it will ever go away. We are all going through the same horror but some people cope differently. I know how hard it is in the early days and I am terrified of the future.
It’s too early for me to say how it will feel later in the grief process but I really hope you will begin to feel better with time.
3 Likes
I’m sorry for your loss @stapes and for the way you are feeling now. Honestly, it will gradually get better and you will manage to find your strength again. The tears will become less until you’ll be able to control them. I think it took me over 9 months to stop crying every single day. You may find reading through others older posts on here could help you see a future of sorts. When I read back to how I was in the early days it makes me sad and I can’t believe that I have moved forward to this degree. Although I will never get over this loss, it is getting more bearable as the months go by.
Sending you strength.
5 Likes
Sorry, you are going through the same. Jacqui was only 58, we both fell asleep watching afternoon tv, I woke up after about 3 hrs, and she was not breathing. I keep feeling if only I hadn’t fallen asleep, I may have been able to save her. The coroner has just told me it was undiagnosed pneumonia. She had severe arthritis in most joints, and her mobility was limited, but she still did all our social stuff via her computer. Without her I now feel lost.
1 Like
stapes, yes you will feel better one day, just not yet. You will stop crying one day too.
I am so sorry that your wife died. It is horrible to lose a spouse, isn’t it?
Tomorrow is 8 weeks for me and nothing is better yet, how could it be?
How to we “get over” losing our loves? We don’t, we just learn to live with it and eventually the pain subsides. I only know this because this isn’t my first loss and if I survived that one, I can survive this one.
Hour by hour. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Time doesn’t stop for us and it whizzes past as we tread water. One day we will make it to shore. Just not yet.
We’ve been forced to join a club we didn’t want to be a member of and which we can not quit.
Much love.
3 Likes
I am so sorry Stapes. It’s very unlikely you would have been able to do anything. Remember you are looking at what happened through hindsight. We can’t possibly foresee what is going to happen.
Pneumonia can be really difficult to spot. Lillian had been in hospital on a previous occasion for something else and her discharge letter said she had pneumonia. She had no idea she had it.
I have gone through the same agony over Lillian’s death. She had a history of blood clots and I am absolutely racked with guilt that I should have spotted a sign of what was to come or done something differently.
It’s really hard to come to terms with, I know, but we can’t see into the future. I wish I could turn the clock back but we can’t do that either.
2 Likes
Tomorrow is 18 weeks for me. Richard went away for a few days too our holiday home. I tried calling him and couldn’t get an answer. My son travelled there and his father had passed away. It was such a shock for everyone. He too passed away from pneumonia. I saw no signs of this. I still can’t believe he died alone or that my son had to find him. I hope our sadness becomes bearable. Hugs to you.
1 Like