My partner passed away in December.
Three years ago he was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma, so part of me knows we were lucky to have had that extra time.
But I feel sick every time it hits me that I’ll never see him again, that every dream we had is gone and everyone around me is just carrying on with their life, their plans and dreams.
The house is silent and feels empty and I question why we’re here, everyday, what’s the point? (for clarity, I don’t have thoughts of taking my own life!)
I’m just utterly confused, sad, angry, jealous…
I can’t even find comfort in the hobbies I enjoyed on my own or the hobbies we shared as a couple.
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Hi. Alan also died in December. Undiagnosed heart failure and a massive heart attack so gone in a moment. I totally understand how you feel. And weekends are the worst aren’t they? My work organised a life coach for me (they thought he did bereavement counselling but he doesn’t !) and he has been so helpful. He makes me focus on my future and what I want to do with it both short and long term. He’s very big on planning! One of his tips is to keep busy. And I have. I’ve tried lots of different things, some went spectacularly wrong but others I am enjoying. I avoid things that we did as a couple because I need new experiences, not sad memories. Next weekend is Easter so four days off work. I sat and had a think of treats for me that I would love to try. So, I’m having a facial, a massage, some reflexology and a session of reiki! I expect there might be a bit of shopping and perhaps some light socialising as well. My point here though is that, with a bit of planning, I’m looking forward to it rather than dreading it. Its not always easy and I have to push myself ( and sometimes I sit on the sofa and eat rubbish and cry but that’s OK as long as its not all the time). Sadly, nobody is going to make us do anything and we have to find something within ourselves. But we are far stronger than we think and I absolutely believe that there is a glimmer of hope for the future. It will be different than we wanted, but that definitely doesn’t mean it won’t be good. Much love x
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I like the idea of planning… I used to be the organiser within our group of friends but I don’t have the heart for that now.
I have planned some stuff but I’m scared of how I’ll react, how I’ll feel - happiness, sorrow, guilt? Will I cry? Will I just not turn up?
Part of me wants to be busy, part of me just wants to be still and think.
Early days for us still I guess and yes, I do believe we are stronger than we think, it’s just some days it seems hard to imagine.
Today is one of those days.
Tomorrow may be different…
Hope you enjoy your Easter treats 
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Hi, Roger died February 23rd the funeral is this Friday
I know exactly how you feel about hobbies, I had several but he always helped. I cant bring myself to do anything we did together, which was everything.
I know its early days but the thought of doing anything alone is frightening. I know I can’t sit around crying but I really dont know how I will get through this.
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Today i just need to lie on the sofa and do nothing. It does me no good but today cannot face anything else. Is this ok ? Lost my husband of 38yrs suddenly and unexpectedly in January this year. Please give me hope that it will become easier.
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I was with my husband for 42 years and I’m totally lost now. I know how you feel but please try to at least go for a walk every day. It does help a little. There’s many a day I want to stay in bed or lay on the sofa and its an effort not too. But although I feel totally broken I know my husband wouldn’t have wanted that so I force myself to get up and try to carry on, very often while crying my eyes out. People do say it gets easier in time but I cant see a time when I wont feel like this
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@Mogs1
Absolutely OK, if that’s what you need to do, do it.
Don’t put yourself under any pressure, there’s no rule book for us, no list of instructions for this path we’re following…
If it helps, I’ve spent all morning in bed, writing my thoughts, looking at photos. It’s not a day wasted, it’s a day grieving.
Some days will be easier, some days will be harder but we can only do one day at a time.
Hang in there, you’re doing just fine x
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I shall be sorting photos out for the wake tonight. I expect a lot of tears but I will be with him in a way. There is no rule book, no one can tell you how you should be feeling but remember to reach out to any of us, unfortunately we’re all going through it and maybe we can help each other in some way0
I’m in the same boat today just so sad I can hardly move. I feel sick and full of panic yet again. It has been a month since my husband had his cardiac arrest and this long weekend has been especially hard despite the fact I am off work anyway. I guess we have to be gentle with ourselves and accept that grieving is not wasted time and that it is unavoidable. Hugs to anyone feeling like this today xx
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Hugs to you too. Thats what we all need.
Unfortunately loving someone as we all have is always going to end in heartache for someone. My heart is so broken don’t think it will ever heal. We’ve just got to be kind to ourselves and go with how we’re feeling àt the time
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My feelings too. The house is silent and empty and I get very lonely and depressed but we have to keep going somehow.
Its so do hard, since the funeral last Friday, I feel as if Im at the beginning again and I’ve
Only just lost Roger . Apparently its now I have to face reality. Its awful but somehow I’ve got to do it. Maybe the pain and lonliness will diminish in time. I hope so anyway