I lost my 18 year old daughter

In April this year i lost my little girl, she was 18 and decided she didn’t belong in this world any more. She was my step daughter which I raised as my own since she was a baby but at the 15 she went to live with her birth father after we struggled with her behaviour at home, after a year with her birth father she moved back to out home town and got a flat at the foyer, 2 years later she moved into a flat in Brighton and stopped all contact with me and her mum and all our family, then one night in April we got the knock at the door by the police to say she had taken her own life.
What I’m confused about I’m not sure I’m grieving right- I go to work I laugh I joke and pretend to be happy and ok because I feel I have too, while my wife has days she can’t even get out of bed. I’ve stopped posting on insta and Facebook because I don’t wanna be that depressing guy ?! And I’m struggling to talk about it in my head I’m pretending she’s still alive and living alone in her flat because when I remember I won’t see her ever again , I cry - it hurts
Is this right ? Being a man I’ve been brought up to be the strong one and not talk ?

Mel, Yes you may be a male if the species but that doesn’t stop you have emotions. Can I suggest that both you and your wife think about counselling because I am sure it will help both of you. There are sites just for people in your position, one is ‘sobs’ and I know that would also help you.
When a young person decide that it’s time to go it always a huge hole and no answers. There are many on here who have posted about their loss of their children in the same way. Please have a look and also think about your future. Take care S xx