I lost my boyfriend of 5 months

The first time I saw him was in June , I was instantly mesmerised by him ! To an extent it was love at first sight ! But it wasn’t until July that I had spoken to him ! He was the first boy I’ve ever liked and ended up being my first boyfriend. I can’t explain the happiness he brought me and to think that it’s been taken away so suddenly kills me ! My boyfriend was murdered ! This was the most unexpected thing that’s could have happened! I spoke to him that night not knowing it would be the last ! I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him I’ve never know something so genuine ! It’s weird because it’s been a month but it’s only gotten worst ! I don’t want to live anymore however I’m to weak to kill myself! I would do anything to be with him again I’ve never been so desperate in my life ! I love him so much ! And the worst thing is I have no one to truly talk to ! My family couldn’t care less not that I’m close with them but my friends don’t understand nor do they truly care and they live their lives whilst I picture ending mine ! I’m still extremely young and so was my boyfriend! This is the first death I’ve ever experienced ! I constantly long for the intimacy I had with him not even on a sexual level but an emotional! I miss more than anything

Hi Davinagrace

I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed. I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here.

There is a lot of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling. The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org). You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Sue Ryder also offers online bereavement counselling. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Find out more and register:https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, Davinagrace, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Mick
Online Community team

hi Davinagrace
sorry to read youve lost your boyfriend,its very sick that your family and friends dont offer support or at least lend you an ear so you can release some of the hurt your feeling.please try get help,you should see your gp.ive found them very understanding about bereavement,im sure they will have a contact number so you can get help.they may even give you something to help and relax you a little bit.again very sorry for your loss.
for some one so young to have to go through this is heart wrenching,i pray you get the help you so desperately need.
regards
ian

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Hi Davinagrace. It is truly an awful experience for one so young. Us older ones may come to accept the end as inevitable and decide to make the most of time left. But this experience you are having will be with you always. Now that is not to say the pain will always be there. Memory does dim in time, but saying that may not help you at this moment. No one forgets their first love. I’m sure we all have such memories and it may not necessarily be about a recent loss. Try and take things slowly. There is no ‘quick fix’ in grief. I am sure you really loved this man and that love can never be lost. Take it with you and try and think of the good times and what he would have wanted for you. A month is so little time. It often feels worse at the beginning. Be kind to yourself. No regrets but thankfulness that even though it was a short time together it was a blessing. We can learn so much about ourselves in such awful times. Bless you and take care. We are all with you.

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