I lost my dad. My life has stopped completely

I’m a newly qualified nurse.

My dad was my biggest cheerleader but passed away from covid in my final few weeks of my sign off placement.

I got to see him and take care of him the night before he passed. But a part of me wishes I didn’t. It broke my heart seeing how terribly he was being cared for. My dad is a proud man, and in he’s final days when we were unable to see him, it was clear he was not treated with the dignity he deserved.

I had to his funeral as my mum couldn’t with the support of family friends whilst finishing my placement in an intensive care unit. I was also given 1 weeks notice by the council to move home (into a disgusting flat ) a fortnight after he passed. In the middle of all this were my sons.

A week after finishing my nursing my dads funeral took place, three days after this I moved home.

I started my Job on a general ward a month after his funeral.

After my first week I came home to find A young boy who had been stabbed. Paramedics were already working on him however he sadly passed away. I didn’t know him but I broke down. I tried to continue to go to work and then the week following I had a covid contact. I was already withdrawn and not myself… but this tipped me over the edge. I completely it. I attempted to kill myself. I just did not want to continue anymore. I was mentally and physically exhausted and failing at everything. My bills were pilling too.

The G.p has now signed me off for the last 6 weeks and I am due to start work again in 2 weeks. I need the money and I know that I need to get back to normal, but I am still a complete mess. I am crying throughout most of my days. I’m lashing out at my children, I get angry when people talk to me about insignificant things.

I am usually very kind and empathetic to everyone and anyone and I know everyone has their issues. But I just can’t help it.

My sister brought me and my mother to a comedy show… I cried throughout the entire thing. I am not the first person to lose a parent… but I am just such a mess.

I am the first within my friendship group to lose a parent and I feel so stupid talking about it. No amount of talking will change it. They try but they don’t really understand it. I am just so miserable.

I don’t know what to do. Do I go back to work to see if I can cope? Do I ask for more time? Should I quit?

How can I ever go back to normal when I have this enormous hole in my life? I miss him so much

How have any of you managed to cope?

Sorry for the extremely long message :heart:

1 Like

You are in turmoil from so many things happening and changing your world. Yo7 can’t look after your children and other people until you have looked after yourself. You need to speak to your GP and probably a counsellor (You can sign up for counselling from Sue Ryder or Cruse but as a nurse, you should have access to counselling). You can also talk to the Samaritans. You have worked hard to become a nurse and I’m sure that, in time, you will be able to continue with the journey that you chose but you need time to grieve first. Seek help wherever you can and take care.

My heart goes out to you, Jojo - this is too much at once. I hope you can get as MUCH help as possible with the practicalities - you need support at this terrible time. It’s too much turmoil as Jules says.

I think I’m a similar age to you, I lost my dad to covid in Jan. I did not have the challenge of moving and don’t have children to care for - cannot imagine how hard that must be.

Sending best wishes to you