Hi I completely new to this and I am not sure if anyone will read this. I am 18 years old and i am finishing my last year of high school. I lost my father when I was 11 years old, He wasn’t a huge part of my life as i rarely heard from him as he lived in another country but all I dreamt about as a child was meeting my father, he was my biggest inspiration and someone I never wanted to let down. My mother raised me and my older brother as a single parent until my stepfather entered my life, he treated me and my brother not the best let’s just say and created a huge impact on me, my brother and my mothers relationship. When incidents would happen with my stepdad my brother would tell me my dad was coming to save us, in my eyes he was a super hero. When I learned about the reason he had to leave my entire world was crushed and I hated him for choosing alcohol over his children. I have since then learned about addiction and how this is an illness that invades a persons character and can alter their relationships with family. Everyday I wish I could have at least one last conversation with him and maybe let him know who I am. I have never had a father figure or a healthy relationship with any parental figure, it has caused me to become extremely depressed in many ways, i struggle with focusing and ADHD. Some instances I have attempted. I am new to this conversation room but I find a comfort in knowing I am not completely alone. If you have taken the time to read thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, @Llama. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time at a young age, and your feelings are completely valid. I’m so sorry that things have been so difficult for you.
I wanted to share this link with you:
https://nacoa.org.uk/coping-with-the-death-of-a-parent-who-had-an-alcohol-problem/
Nacoa support the children of people with alcohol addiction, and you might find it helpful to speak to someone who understands that experience. They have a free helpline on 0800 358 3456 if you think it could be helpful to chat.
You mentioned that you’ve been struggling a lot. If things feel overwhelming again, you don’t have to cope on your own. You can contact Samaritans on 116 123 - they’re available 24/7 and will listen without judgment.
I’m sure others will be along to support you in the meantime. Please feel free to keep posting here, and remember that you’re not alone 
Thank you for listening it means alot that someone has taken the time .