I lost my dad

I lost my dad over a year ago and I feel like i’ve lost complete control of my life, ive ruined friendships and I have my A-level exams in a few weeks. I want to make him proud but it’s so hard and I have nobody to talk to about it. I’m scared of upsetting my mum and hate talking about any of it to anybody that I know. It’s coming up to father’s day too and seeing all the cards and presents in shops really hits me. I’ve never lost a family member before and losing my dad has been the worst thing ever to happen to me, and I want to feel motivated and carry on like he would want me to but I get so upset and sad that I can physically feel the pain. I am scared i’ll lose more friendships and ultimately my relationship if I carry on pretending I am fine, but I don’t want to be a burden to anybody and I hate talking about it with people.

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Hi Beth,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad and that your life feels out of control, as well as about the friendships that have ended. It is understandable that you may be finding it hard to focus on your exams.

Not talking about grief tends to make it worse, so I would really encourage you to seek out some support and somewhere you don’t have to pretend to be fine.

You could start by talking to a trusted teacher or student support worker at your school or college and let them know you are struggling - especially if it is affecting your exam preparation. They can help make sure you get the support you need.

Maybe you should also consider talking to your mum about how you are feeling? You say you are worried about upsetting her, but she is probably grieving herself already, and sharing your grief together will not make it worse.

You could also think opening up to a few trusted friends, or the person you’re in a relationship with.

I know talking about it probably seems really scary, but it is better than bottling things up. I’m glad that you’ve been able to write some of it down here - that is a good first step, and there are others here who will understand some of what you are going through.

For example, here is a recent post from lar94, who also lost their dad at a young age: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/miss-you-dad-x-0

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

Hi Beth

Hi Beth, Im sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mum to Cancer three years ago and I can really relate to some of the things your saying. I’ve never been one to really open up and talk about how I feel, even before I lost my mum she would always tell me not to bottle up my feelings and to let them out. Sadly she was one of the only people I did talk to and now she’s gone I find it very hard to talk to anyone else. I’ve never really spoken to anyone about her death since. I’ve tried speaking to my friends but they just don’t get it, I also find myself getting annoyed by the away they take their family’s for granted which I suppose is just jealously. I also get what you mean about not wanting to upset your family. I was a little bit older than you when mum died and I moved out leaving my stepdad in our family home. Now its been so long I don’t want to bring up his sadness because im finding it hard still. Having said that I realise now three years on that you can’t just hold it all in without it having some effects. My relationship has just broken down and I realise ive disconnected from most of my friends. I’ve been hiding away from my loss for a long time and only just realised talking might be good and might help, if you’re in the same place too after one year by being on this site as well then im sure if you begin to slowly face the scariness of talking about it, it might help clear your head a little before your exams.
Stephen

Hi beth, I lost my dad suddenly and a bit like yourself I feel my life has no routine or no idea where or what I’m doing some days. I think it’s all normal, I am close to my family and we talk all the time about my dad, maybe trying to talk to someone close? U aren’t a burden, it’s so so hard to deal with. My dad went to work and just didn’t come home.
I totally know how u feel, and the Father’s Day cards I have to look away or talk to my young kids anything just to not look at them. Xx

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Hi Beth. I lost my dad the end of march. He had Alzheimers. I can totally understand and relate to you. Grief is the hardest thing ever. I loved my dad so much and miss him terribly. I see father’s day cards and upsets me to. I’m the same I don’t go out much since and feel so isolated. I’m just waiting for some councilling to help me. Been off work since and feel like I can’t return. I’m just not in the right frame of mind at the moment. Hugs Beth and take care xx

So sorry to hear that about your dad. It’s good to know i’m not alone and I wish there was a way we could all be okay again, it just feels like it will never end and at the minute it doesn’t feel like its even getting any better, all the best and take care and thank you so much xx

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