I lost my eldest son on March 5th.

Hi I lost my eldest zone to suicide on 5th March. He left 3 children under 5 and a partner. The hole in my heart is devastating at the moment. I am experiencing anger, guilt and utter sadness daily. Is there anyone who has experienced this and simply where do you go from here… Devastated

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Hi I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I lost my mum on the 9th of January and I too suffer with guilt, anger sadness on a daily basis. I think it’s a normal part of the grieving process but it’s still very painful to experience and very distressing. I have children and a partner but feel really alone in my thoughts, this site is a great places to get your feelings out and talk to people that may understand. Take care

I lost my daughter to sudcide on 1/3/20 take 1 hour at a time 1 day at a time and keep talking were all here the pain is alway there there a big hole in my heart but can’t give up must carry on

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Dear Homer18965

I’m so sorry to read you have lost your son to suicide. A father and partner too…it’s heartbreaking :broken_heart:

I lost my son Henry on the 20th October last year, he was thirty. He struggled with his mental health and took recreational drugs along side his prescribed medication.
My whole family are devastated by his death - he is a father too.

On 4th January, my nephew Oli, Henry’s cousin, committed suicide. Like your son, he had two young daughters whom he adored. He was married to his childhood sweetheart and he was the gentlest soul.
His mother was terminally ill and fighting so hard to live but succumbed to Covid19 on the 20th March.

The immediate family of Oli went to SOBS for bereavement support - they support family and friends of suicide victims. Oli never left a note but we feel sure it was a moment of madness.

He was obviously in pain and at that moment made a choice that took him from us forever. Anger is perfectly normal around any death. Plus despair, going over every conversation and replaying it all trying to understand what happened and could we have changed the outcome. I still do this but of course it’s a futile waste of energy. Talk as much as you can to everyone around you.
Be kind to yourself and know your son would not mean to cause anyone pain. I use the Headspace App to meditate and find that calming.

I’d like to say the pain lessens…but for me it hasn’t. However the spells of feeling it are less so I’m managing.
Our lives are forever changed but we find a way to accommodate what’s happened. I feel blessed I had my son, my nephew and my sister in law, I had their love and they have mine and that won’t ever change.

Keep posting on here and know you’re not alone.

Love and hugs
Purple

U come across so strong I feel so so sad for the last few days

Dear Mememe

I have strong spells and I try to respond to others when I’m in a good place. Believe me when I say every day I have tears…some days lots and more than once. I accept I cannot change anything that’s happened but I can strive to enjoy my life. It’s never going to be easy but it’s getting easier- if that makes sense.

I have people to love who love me and I’m grateful for them. It’s such early days for you and for me it’s coming up to six months. I’d never believe I could get here but I have somehow. This site has helped me a lot.

Keep posting and keep in touch. There’s always someone to listen.
Love and hugs
Purple

Again nice words I o find this site help full the lady from sobs text me yesterday they are hoping to set up a group next week on Skype never done Skype but will give it a go

That’s very positive- I wish you well with it Mememe.

Keep in touch with us all.

Purple

Will give it a try I will keep in touch this site is my life line at the moment feel lost very very sad

I still have those feelings but as I’ve said before they don’t come as often. It’s a horrible journey and definitely the worst thing that can happen anyone. Take it slowly my friend. You’re not alone.

Hugs and love
Purple

Hi , I am new on here… I also lost my adult son on the 10th of March… my son was 43 and had lived with me for about 12 years… He took his own life… I had this feeling inside like I had died too, I am still in shock and still can’t believe he isn’t here. We all have so many emotions sadness loss anger wondering why and if we could have done things differently… I go into his bedroom everyday to look at his things and sit on his bed and talk to him like hes still here… sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling that hes with me and smiling… The one the that keeps me going ; I believe the soul doesn’t die but continues on in the spirit world… I am reading an amazing book that helps me with my grief is reading a amazing book called journey of the souls; by Michael Newton… I hope this will help you too…

Lilian

Sorry loss off your son it feels so unreal I keep thinking it’s all a bad dream I feel so sad and this virus doesn’t help other than work carnt leave the house my daughter tuck her own life 1/3/20 she struggled so much for nearly 3 years we found her and because that I now find being on my own scary scared off relieving that day scared of my own thoughts yet I’ve always been strong keep talking were here

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Bless you… I totally understand how you feel… I keep thinking it isn’t real then a letter comes through my letter box for him, everytime something happens like collecting his ashes from the funeral home it all becomes so much more real yet I don’t want to believe it! I am so very sorry for your loss too… :two_hearts: