I lost my eldest son

Losing a child
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I thought I would join this site as I thought maybe it might help a little talking about the death of my son who was only 20 , I lost him 13 years ago and still only feels like yesterday, I am really struggling to come to terms with his death

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Hello @WendyL

I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son 13 years ago that brings you here.

I’m sure others will be along to offer support, but I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.

  • The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.

Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you with your grief

  • Our Bereavement Information pages, which can help to explain many of the thoughts and feelings you may be having

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Naoise

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Hello Wendy,

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my son two years ago and it still feels just as raw as the day he died.

I think it’s so important that we’re able to talk about our loved ones, to keep their memories alive and carry them forward with us. I hope you’ve been given the opportunity to do that, and if you feel comfortable, would you be able to share your son’s name and tell me a little about him?

My son was 34 and a chef. He had experienced long-term mental health difficulties, and I know how important it can be to have someone who will simply listen. Talking about how we’re feeling, even when our emotions are all over the place and we’re not completely sure ourselves how we feel, can sometimes help.

Have you had any support, therapy or counselling since losing your son? I really hope you have, and that you’ve had people around you who have been able to listen and support you.

Sending you love and hugs :heart: :people_hugging:

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I am so sorry for your loss of your son too, and my son was called Christopher he was only 20 , he met his first love only together 3 months and her and her mother spiked my son with a lot of drugs, I wasn’t given the truth by them either and they have got away with it, there is a lot more to it obviously, but it’s like people around me just don’t get it and i feel as though they get fed up of me because I can’t let it go

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I’m so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son, Christopher. Twenty is far too young. I can hear just how much pain, hearache and unanswered questions you are carrying.

I got some answers from my own son’s inquest, but not all of them and I know I will always carry the “why?” and “what if?” questions with me. I don’t think those questions ever truly go away when you lose a child in such heartbreaking circumstances.

Please don’t feel that you have to “let it go” just because other people don’t know how to be with your grief. That is their weakness and their problem, not yours. You lost your beautiful son and there is no timeline for grieving the loss of a child.

I don’t know much about the legal processes myself, but it might be worth speaking to someone who does. It sounds like you need to look into every possible avenue for being heard and for trying to get the answers you deserve. You shouldn’t have to carry all of this alone.

Your love for Christopher hasn’t gone anywhere. You are his mum, and you will always carry him with you. :heart: His life matters, your grief matters, and you deserve compassion, understanding and people who will listen without making you feel like you should be over it.

Sending you so much love :face_blowing_a_kiss: :heart: