I lost my fiance

Hi my name is lyndsey bare with me im new here . Honestly not sure what to write . I lost my soulmate of 19 years very suddenly 8.01.2019 it was just a typical day , then just after midnight just finished watching a movie my world come crashing down . The man who I had loved since I was 19 passed away right infront of my eyes . I was 10 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby . Its been 31 months and I still can breath some days . Everyday seems to roll into one if that makes sense. I feel I’ve not been the best mother to our son as I’ve been grieving the whole length of his tiny life every milestone, looking at my son hes the spitting image of his daddy . I get so angry that’s hes not here . I’m still lost, I feel like im constantly in a daze of that horrible night always going over what could I have done more of , should I have spotted signs of this happening or of him not feeling the greatest, its a nightmare I have flashbacks the list goes on . Its took me this long to reach out as my sister keeps telling me about this website as she’s a mental health worker and I’m always putting it off not entirely sure why but here I am hoping to find some sort of comfort from writing this and still overthinking about posting it but I’m gonna so thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it . So overwhelming just writing this . Thank you xxxxxxxx

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Iam so sorry you find yourself here with us it can be so cruel. I lost my partner in 2019 and I still have empty days and lonely nights and I think for me that will continue we didn’t have children it just didn’t happen I was 19 when we met and 56 when he went. You have come to the right place. There is no going back to what we had I wish there was a way to be with ower partners. We can only go though each day as best we can and hope thay are with us in some way the sadness the anger frustration lonely lost fealings. We all have them don’t be afraid to tell us that’s what we are here for each other sending you hugs xx


I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I experienced being detached from the two children my wife left behind 12 years back. They were only small, 2 and 5 but my pain was way too much and I kind of let them just grow without doing much of what a dad should be doing with his children. Now when they are big as teenagers it is like they don’t have a lot of need for my closeness anymore. I do not weep anymore now but I am sorry for lost time and opportunity. Yet I did what I felt was best at the time. So my personal advice is just do your best and if you can manage, force yourself to be as good a mother as you can be so you will not be sorry that you missed out of it in the younger age of your son… But maybe as a woman you are already miles better at this than I could ever have been! All the best to you. Hugs!

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I am currently going through something similar, I lost my partner Thursday night, he had a cardiac arrest at home, totally out of the blue. I did cpr until paramedics arrived, he went to a&e where they worked on him for 2 hours with no success.
I’m 14 weeks pregnant with our child and absolutely heartbroken, unsure if I can carry on.
You are further down the line in your sad journey, how are you coping?