I lost my Grandma

Hi guys so in 2019 I unfortunately lost my Grandma, Marie, we were always so close and had the strongest bond she would tell me I love you and I would tell her I love her more this would go on for hours… she was the person I went to when I felt upset or hurt and she always made things better. My Grandma suffered for as long as I can remember with COPD, she was on Oxygen 247 before I can remember on the 15 September 2019 I lost her in wheat fields her breathing changed and my auntie called for someone to get her nurse as this was familiar to her, I remember crying and this ringing in my ears like everything was going slow motion and sound wasn’t clear. When the nurse said she had passed away I cried and my auntie said “come say by to your grandma” I stroked her hair and cling to her arm I just remember her feeling so cold the last thing I ever said to her was “I promise I’ll make you proud grandma “ it sounds silly but you don’t know what you’ll Say in that moment since then every year on the anniversary of her death and her birthday which is in November even Christmas I can’t help but closing up I feel so down I find myself crying and depressed but this year 2 years on I became having panic attacks I felt like o was going on to have a fit or faint this happened every day for weeks my face was going numb and o was feeling pains in my legs and arms as anyone else ever had this ? I’m now having therapy and on anti anxiety and depressant medication I just want to know if anyone else has ever had these symptoms I didn’t go out of the house in weeks and stopped driving I was so afraid of this feeling I just miss her so much she was my absolute rock

Hi Robyn, I’m really sorry about your Grandma, you are certainly not alone in feeling as you do, I’m really pleased that you have sought help, and I do hope they they help in some respect, you never stop missing them, but I do feel that in time, you start to remember the good times you had together, but there is no time limit on this, even though people on the out side think you should be over it by now, sending love and hugs, Jude xxx