I lost my husband suddenly in Feb 2016

Hi everyone. I lost my husband Steve (or Hoppy as he was affectionately known) on Feb 6, this year. We are originally from Essex but have been living in Monaco for the last 7 years. Hoppy looked a little unwell that Saturday morning but he was dozing,and i had to take my youngest to an activity. I was only gone for 1.5 hours and when i got home the bedroom door was nearly closed. I pushed it open and somehow I knew what had happened before i entered the room. Hoppy had suffered a massive cardiac arrest due to an enlarged heart. Our young daughters Grace 8 and Elsa 7 were with me. The last 5 months have been crazy. The procedures, forms, phone calls are overwhelming. I have now moved back to Essex with the girls and find it so much harder being back in the UK in our family home. I felt stronger in Monaco, but now I’m going through his belongings on a daily basis and just can’t stop crying. I have no motivation to do anything really. I still can’t take it what has happened. Im lonely and worried about the future and I am concerned about the children, losing their dad so young. It just seems so unfair. He was 43 and I can’t accept that he’s not coming back. I am very lucky in the respect that I do have a lot of family and friends around me, but there are an awful lot of close friends that have just disappeared. They never contact me anymore, ask how we are. Im confused as to who cares and who doesnt. Sophie x

Hi Sophie I lost my husband Alex( or aussie as he was known he was Australian ) in February also, he was 47 he died of a heart attack due to a thickening of the wall of the heart muscle. I know exactly what you are going through because I am going through the same. Initially you are cocooned in a shock bubble but as that begins to subside the reality kicks in and in a way that is worse because then you have to adapt to being without the person you love the most you are now living a life you did not choose and do not want. The present feels unbearable the past gone and the future is terrifying suddenly emotions overwhelm you thoughts and feelings rise to the surface that you never knew you had everything and I mean everything is painful the blows keep coming regardless and normal people or people who have not experienced loss go about there lives oblivious to your pain. I’m living in a sort of stagnation I’m lonely but don’t really like going out around people haven’t really sorted out my husbands stuff some but not all they have so many connotations I know it will hurt I moved his clothes out of my wardrobe into the spare room and it broke me so I’m taking little steps and trying to live in the present not to focus on the future as let’s face it if I’ve learnt anything it’s that the future is not promised so try to concentrate on the here an now I think you can over think and that your head can take you to some dark places at this moment in time we are all over the place, its to early to consider anything but day to day considerations. I think you are really brave just for joining this site and opening up that in itself is a hurdle and I also want you to know that you are not alone and should you want to unload then feel free to message me my name is karen xx

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Im sorry for your loss. It must have been such a shock. I lost my dad suddenly 6 weeks ago he wasn’t ill and it was such shock. It was aortic dissection. In the beginning I was in a daze, felt like I was in a horror film. I tried to wake my dad up but couldn’t. Six weeks on and I’m starting to feel not so sad. I used to spend 4 or 5 hours a day crying. Then a few odd things happened to me in the early days which made me think he’s ok wherever he is. This has helped. My dad was always happy, had loads of friends and was loved deeply so I keep telling myself he’d want me to be happy and carry on. My advice is to keep talking about your husband and have a chat to him yourself. I’m always saying remember when dad did this. I have a diary and I write to my dad every night. When he was alive I would Skype message him every evening. I still have a dad it’s just our relationship has changed. I know it’s an old cliche but time is a great healer.

Hi Sophie jane I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my partner of25years on May this year I know exactly how you feel I’ve not come to terms with it and like you a lot of my good friends don’t come see me as much as they did at the beginning which I’m finding very difficult just try and take small steps at a time like I’m doing and hopefully in time we will learn to live with whats happened I’m here anytime you want to speak take care xxx

Hi I also lost my partner Rob 18 months ago to a sudden heart attack.A massive shock as I came home from work to find him on the bathroom floor.The following year is now a blur as I was constantly keeping busy to block everything out.This I think has now caused a delay in the grieving process as I now feel worse than ever and have arranged councilling to see if that helps.

Hi Sophie im sorry for you loss .Im 57 my wife was 41(she passed away on her birthday in March i take it day by day i dont plan unless i have to .Yes so called friends promise things then vanish fast because they dont want to be part of your emotional nightmare .Each day try and have some me time( i watch a film for example ) because the nightmare is still there after the me time .Give your brain and a heart a break they deserve it .Time is a great healer i disagree it just forces you to live a different life .Ihope ive helped and not annoyed or upset you Friend hug Colin

Dear all , it’s been three months since rob had a heart attack and died. I think I can honestly say that the pain and loneliness have got worse. I feel like everyone expects me to be ’ on the road to recovery’ , I’m not. Rob was only 54 years old. My life has changed forever , well all of ours have on this forum.
The only bit of advice that I give to myself is that I will do my grieving for as long as it takes. I try to keep busy , I try not to feel bitter ( not easy). People rarely text to ask how I am anymore, but I know now that they were fair weather family or friends.
Be kind to yourselves , baby steps I think for all of us.
Remember the people who really care are still there.
Kind regards to everyone , always here for a chat if you need a little bit of kindness, Kim

Hello Jessie. I lost my Husband too just a day after my birthday on the 6th October. He had survived a massive h/attack on New Years Day but went downhill with Heart Failure. They sent him home with weeks to live - this turned out to be hours. I left the house to stay with family as I would have been alone. Big mistake, I do feel in immense and excruciating pain but as I am not in our own home right now, some 7 weeks later I feel I am not feeling the very full force. The longer I delay going home the more pain I feel I am delaying in the grieving process. As if the current pain is not harrowing enough. As we all know. Take Care, I hope the counselling helps, I started mine yesterday but am not hopeful.

I lost my wonderful husband suddenly on 6 Oct 2016. It was totally unexpected as he was just attending hospital for a procedure to his lungs under local anaesthetic. I was waiting to take him home. I feel that I left home that morning and stepped into a nightmare! I am heartbroken and have never in my life experienced these strange feelings. I can sometimes feel myself getting low and cry for a long time. As I have just found this site I can honestly say that it has helped me, by sharing your feelings I realise that what I am going through is entirely normal, just like everyone else who has lost their soulmate.

Hi Kim, everything you say I can relate to. I lost my wonderful husband suddenly in Oct, we were soulmates and I’m struggling. I always thought of myself as a very capable person not easily moved to tears but I don’t know where to put myself sometimes. The dark place has gone (and I hope for good) but my mind is fragile. Like you most friends/family say there here if you need us but actions speak louder than words. People who have never experienced this have no idea what depths you go to, I certainly didn’t! I need to find a way back. Kind regards Kim, Vivienne.

Hello Vivienne
I too lost my Husband on 6th October. Anticipated but sudden due to a heart incident. My adult step children carry on as usual with their partners and families. We had no children together. My own family never mention Dennis. Do they do that to protect me - probably. I have not been out alone since it happened and the feeling is one of desolation and despair and dare I say it pointlessness. I empathise with you Vivienne, Take care.

Dear Sophie, I have just read this and my heart goes out to you. I lost my mum to cancer last June and I have found it extremely hard as she was like my best friend as well as my mum, but to loose your husband, the father of your children must be the worse thing and so suddenly. I think you are incredibly brave too and just being able to join this community and reach out is a huge step for you. Your children are lucky to have such a strong mum and I am pretty sure your husband (Steve or Hoppy) is there with you doing everything he can to help you and your children. Going through his belongings must be so painful, be gentle with yourself and try and imagine what you would say to a friend who had gone through what you are going through, how would you advise them? you would show them compassion, which is what you need to give yourself. You are not alone. Take care of yourself and your children and the rest will take care of itself. Your true friends will be there and remember the ones that have disappeared are just scared and don’t know how to be around you. Try and forgive them for this. You will make new friends with people who understand what you are going through. Big hug Emmax

Hi Sophie

I lost my husband 3 years ago he was 36 heart attack leaving me with my two boys 5 and 11 to be honest it gets harder as they grow up and understand more what is like without a dad. We still 3 years down the line find it hard and with regards to friends I only have 3 good friends who have stuck by me thro the hard times the rest were just there at the start and they just got on with there lives . I now feel I don’t have time for people like that now it’s changed the way I am as a person I don’t seem to have the patience with people who moan about small things they need to be in my life . I really do feel for you and support you it is so hard being a mum and dad . We send big hugs

Claire

Hi Sophia,I lost my husband 2 weeks ago to cancer.I understand all the paperwork its unreal and cant cope with it all the phone never stops ringing and I dread the postman coming with mail that I cant understand.
I have had to put all my husbands clothes in the boot of his car because its to painful to look at.
I have lots of friends but think at the end of the day I think am by myself.I have stopped thinking about the future because I cant cope with it and try to think day to day.
I have to go out but cant wait to get home and I find bed the best place .
I miss him terribly and miss telling him gossip and cant belive I will never see him again.
We lived in Spain but Im glad we moved back to the UK but think I would have had a better social life in Spain.
xxx Sue

Hi Claire I lost my husband 11 weeks ago only 45 he died suddenly …just reading your reply to sophie I totally understand where you are coming from in regards to friends…I have two boys aged 18 and 14 they are my rocks but I do find it hard trying to make sure I’m doing the right think and I talk to my husband asking his advice…you just wonder why soo young and why we have been dealt this awful situation like you I have no patience for petty problems especially things that can be sorted and I just think to myself well yiu have yiur husband to lean on!!!my counsellor said it’s all part of the grieving process…but I don’t like feeling like this .

Hugs

Amanda

Hi all
I lost my partner suddenly 8 weeks ago he was 42 I’m 36
I don’t know how I’m gonna cope without him
People say you have to move on with your life and be happy but how can you do that without the love by your side
I too had friends say they will be there and came around to visit but now I don’t see or hear from them (so much for there support) but like others have said it’s probably because they don’t know how to deal with us

Hi this is just awful another young man to die suddenly I am so sorry for your loss…real friends don’t have to say anything just be there I am very luck that I have 5 really good friends that I can depend on …but it still doesn’t stop you from being lonely …as for moving on it is far too early you need to deal with the loss of your loved one …and the grieving can take as long as it takes …take each second minute hour day at a time…
Take care
Amanda

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