My mam wasnt a text book alcoholic or anything like that. Around 11 years ago my brother died suddenly. She was broken! The odd glass of wine turned into more to numb the grief. She went into liver failure 10 years ago but she stopped immediatley when she realised the damage she was doing to herself. She never touched a drop again. She was diagnosed with Cirrosis back then and went on to live another 10 years of her life and was the most wonderful mam and grandparent. Fast forward to 2 months ago. Infections and repeat hospital admissions. Confused, swollen legs and ascites in stomach etc. She was sent to gastro ward and they drained her stomah. She wss so scared and aggitated over her last week. Sobbing and worrying and writhing around bed. I feel I perhaps suffered Antisipatory grief. There was nothing i could do to console her 
she developed a gastro bleed and pneumonia and passed on the 12th of December. I feel that the passing was incredibly traumatic. She had lost her mind and was screaming the ward down. She died 2 times and came back. Now that we have had the funeral and had tome to stop. I feel i may be suffering from PSTD. I cant stop reliving the event in my mind. Seeing the things i have seen. I know cirrosis was her diagnosis but she lived 10 almost normal years and it just crept up on us as silly as that sounds. Maybe our heads have been in the sand. It just feels horrendous. Had anyone been through a traumatic death and have any coping tips?
Hello @Donski1981,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mam. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex