My mam died 3 days ago. She has had copd for a number of years and upto 18/24 months ago lead a relatively active life, walking to school to pick her grandson/my son up and things like that. I found her body in her bed and the overwhelming feeling of guilt and grief is destroying me. I feel so much guilt that i wasnt there for her when she died and that she didnt fully understand just how much i loved her and how much she would be desperately missed by everyone who knew her. I tried praying and bargaining with god to swap my life for hers but i guess he didnt like the deal too much.
I desperately need to believe that the spirit leaves the body and that my mam is in heaven with her mum,dad,sisters and beloved brother. I also need to find away for my mum to forgive me for not being there the night she died. Im not sure how to go about this and i am truly lost.
I love you mam and thats forever x
Hi,
You started off by saying that your mum used to walk to school to pick up her grandson/your son and ‘things like that’
If your mum was anything like my mum, looking after her grandson would have meant everything to her and shown that she was loved and part of your life.
My mum died suddenly 2 and a half years ago. She was very active and looked after my daughter while I worked full time. Just the day before she died she took my daughter to mcdonalds after collecting her from school.
My mum valued looking after her granddaughter and being a close part of our family more than anything. I didn’t go round telling her I loved her but she knew she was loved.
I chose not to sit with my mum when I got told by the hospital that my mum had suffered a brain haemorrhage and was not expected to last the night. I just couldn’t see her like that having dropped her off at the shops that morning. We smiled and waved and I watched her walk off and I wanted that to be my last memory…not see her with tubes everywhere on life support.
Your mum knew you loved her and needed her. Be sure of that.
I miss my mum every second of every day and know that where ever she is, she knows that, as will your mum.
Cheryl
Hi cheryl
Im so sorry for your loss and your correct in saying my mam loved being a nanna to my 2 boys and loved being in their lives daily. She was such a good nanna, as im sure your mum was to your daughter.
We have both just got to believe they are now angels who are guiding and looking after our children and us but just from a different place. I hope everyday gets easier for you with regards your heartache and that we come somehow find peace.
Thankyou,
For me I get by keeping busy, working, looking after my daughter and the house and immersing myself in a good tv drama, book or the gym.
A large glass of wine helps too.
I promise you the guilt will subside. Just don’t expect it to be a quick process. Accepting my tears, my grief and my sadness as part of me now has helped me through
Cheryl x
Thank you and thank god for people like yourself who i am able to talk to.
I enjoy doing all the things you have listed also, and i know at some point i have to somehow carry on with my life as my mam would have wanted me to whilst also mourning and never forgetting her and somehow have both things running side by side.
Thank you again for the chat and nice words it really does help and i hope you and your daughter have a great life.
Scott x
Thankyou Scott…you too x
Hello, everything you say here describes what I feel. I would still swap places with my mam if I had the chance. I understand how it is destroying you. I desperately miss her and all the things she did and will never do again. She missed her 80th birthday. I can’t get out of bed today, apart from feeding my cat. I wish I could go back to being little and never grow up, playing tea parties and dressing up with her. She was such a lovely mam. I miss her so much. It’s like I can’t breathe without her here. I don’t know how I am meant to just carry on living when I’d much rather die so I can be with her. My family just cannot understand why I am destroyed by her not being here. I’m having a really bad day today. Keep posting. We can’t make it feel better but we understand how desperate you feel. It’s been 9 weeks I think for me. I just want her back. She left me behind. xxx