I lost my mother 6 weeks ago

I lost my mother 6 weeks ago. She was 84 and very much my best friend, we went everywhere together. She used a mobility scooter due to her athritis. I never expected my mother to go on forever, but I cannot get passed the terrible way in which it all happened. My mother, her siblings and my family went to spain for a holiday in September. We hired a private villa. The second night my mother had a fall. She was shaken up and had bruises on her foot , but nothing substantial. The following day she slept most of the day which confused us as she hadnt bumped her head. The day after i took her to hospital for xrays but nothing was broken and she was discharged. The next day she was unable to walk and started hallucinating. A private doctor examined her and rushed her to hospital for severe abdominal problem. After many tests I was told in broken English that she needed an operation for a blockage in her bowel or she has 2 days to live. The op went ahead to my mothers dismay and I was then told that there was no blockage but she had been taken to intensive care on life support and dialysis as she had kidney failure. My mind was blown, how had all this happened. Three times i was told that she might not make it but she was well enough to fly home on the tenth day. She was brought home to the local hospital by air ambulance with a medical team. Here she was treated for sepsis, and they think she had been treated for sepsis in spain too. They dont know the reason for the infection as she hadnt cut herself in the fall. She was given so many antibiotics that by the end of November she picked up c diff because her immune system was shot. That night she passed. I cant understand how all this happed and i blame myself for taking her to spain. Would this have happened at home? My guilt is killing me.


@LLeysh sorry for the traumatic loss of your Mum. It sounds like you’ve had a harrowing experience. Feeling guilty is part of grief but don’t blame yourself. The same seemingly trivial accident could easily have happened at home with the same sad end result. It’s best to focus on going forward now and using your energy to adapt to your loss and cope with your grief. Be kind to yourself. Take care, best wishes xx

Oh dear my lovely what an emotionally upseting time for you but please dont blame yourself, your mum wouldnt want you feeling this guilt. I too felt guilt when my mum died 5 weeks ago but im slowly realising nothing was my fault and no matter what i do it wont bring her back anyway. It sounds like the shock of the fall just took its toll on your mums body, thats so sad but it can happen. Dont beat yourself up over this. My mum had cancer and her body just shut down on her in days. Your mum must of lived a wonderful 84 years and you were part of so many of those years, i know its hard right now but try to get comfort from your memories and be strong for your mum, show her what a strong woman she brought you up to be. Be kind to yourself lovely, 5ake comfort from all those wonderful times you had together❤️

1 Like

Thank you for your kind replies. I have read so much on this website and I can see that so many people have experienced this powerful physical pain. I thought there was something wrong with me because i am crying no matter where I am. My mother did have a good and full life and i have amazing memories.


hello lleysh, i’m sorry for your loss. some of what you wrote brought back memories of my mum who left almost 13 weeks ago. she too had fallen but no visible injuries were apparent. she seemed alright but a day later she grew weaker and slept almost all day. few more days passed and now she didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed by her self. i took her to hospital and they told me she had kidney and liver issues along with pneumonia. it happened so fast. she seemed fine just three or four days prior. my mum left four days after being admitted. i’m certain she didn’t get injured from the fall itself; i think she fell because of her condition which happened so fast. she had gone to her gp just 3 weeks prior and was told she was doing fine.
she was 89 and i thought we had more time together. i miss her so much.

1 Like

Hi peter Im sorry for your loss,your story sounds so familiar. What you said makes sense to me although I have blamed myself.


@LLeysh don’t blame yourself you did everything for your mum . She would not want you to blame your self. My mum was killed in august 23. I still struggle everyday. I have depression anxiety mental health issues and adhd. So I find it hard t process what happened. At the time of my mums accident I was calling her. So I few guilty even though I did not get to speak to her I still feel guilty

1 Like