I lost my mum to cancer over a year ago. She had fought it for 3 years and she kept a lot of the truth about her illness from us all so we pretty much thought the treatment was working and she would get better …… my daughters wedding took place in Spain literally 2 weeks after she passed away . I felt like I couldn’t be sad because the wedding meant I had to be happy and strong …I buried my feelings so deep that I thought that I was doing ok… my daughter announced she was pregnant with my 1st grandchild 2 months after so that was another reason to carry on being happy and not acknowledging how I felt deep inside . My Father is so lost in grief that he can’t cope with social situations anymore and barely leaves the house, he’s like a different person now, understandably. It’s like I’ve lost them both all at once. I feel so lost , they were both my absolute world, especially since my separation from my Husband . My Dad moved out of the family home into sheltered accommodation which was better for him but i feel sad that the family homes gone too. That house and they were my “ safe place “. Everything seems to have hit me all at once, I think keeping busy, working loads etc made me bury my grief but of course it’s going to come out eventually. She’s in my mind all the time and I just miss her so much. She was my best friend and we were together or talking on the phone all the time. The pain only goes when I’m with my family but the hole in my chest is always there. I have no guilt, i was with her when she passed and was lucky enough to be able to tell her how loved she was …. I’m sure she could hear me even though she was pretty much out of it by then. Indefinitely hadn’t prepared myself for how bad this would feel.strong text**
Hi @Lilly.0099
My mom passed 3 years this April, & you’re right, trying to repress feelings doesn’t work because they always need an outlet sooner or later. It’s a big shock when a parent passes, even when you know it’s coming, nothing can ever really prepare you for it. Our parents are the one constant in our lives, they’re there through so much, my mom was my safety net too, & now she’s gone, it feels like walking a tightrope very high up, feeling scared I no-longer have my safety net to catch me 
. I was very much in shock for the first year after she passed, & spent a lot of that time on autopilot, keeping busy certainly helps, but don’t forget to take time for yourself, I know some people keep diaries, or mood charts & things, but you do what works for you.
I hear these are all big changes for you, saying goodbye to the family home where you must of had so many memories is a big change too, but no-one can take those memories away from you, I don’t think any of us would choose the changes we have to deal with when a loved one passes, but it’s a new phase in our lives, I feel it’s important to take time to process those feelings & changes, & what they mean, realistically we know that no-one lives forever, everyone’s time is limited, the question is, what do you want to do with the time you have?what matters most? & to live life the way we choose to live it, nothing can bring back our loved ones, but we carry them in our hearts.