I lost my mum and I’m really struggling

About 11 months ago I lost my mum to suicide. After 13 years of recovering from breast cancer she was diagnosed again and was riddled. She became very depressed and took her own life. It was the biggest shock and sadness of my life and 11 months on I’m not doing well I cry every day. I had a hard relationship with my mum and we were just starting to really build our relationship again when all this happened. This was 10 days before Christmas and her funeral was Christmas Eve. I live on the other side of the world from my family who live in Australia and I live in London and it’s hard. I feel like no one knows what I’m going through a d I’m just expected to move on and appreciate what I have but all I can think about is my mum took her own life and what could I have done to stop it. Everyone tells me there’s nothing but there’s always something

I lost my mum recently too and it’s so difficult to explain how you’re feeling to other people. It can be a really lonely place. I honestly have no advice to give but I just wanted to let you know that I’m so sorry for your loss.

1 Like

I’m sorry for your loss, thank you for replying this is the first time I’ve felt able to talk to anyone but my best friend about it

Thank you. Same here, I’m glad I found this platform, I just really needed to speak to someone who would understand what I’m going through.

Do you have any things that help you to remember your mum and feel close to her again? I was looking through some pictures today and that helps but I’m not sure what else I could try

I have pictures and whey I went home for the funeral I took some things from her house that she’s had since I was a little girl however I don’t put them out as it’s just so painful to look at all day I look at them sometimes but it’s hard.

I just wish there was a clear way to get through this it still feels like yesterday to me. Now Christmas is coming up again and what was once my favourite time of year is now my most dreaded

Yes I know what you mean. I always wonder will I just be living with this pain inside forever now?
I’m dreading Christmas too! And birthdays, she always sent lovely cards.

Gosh it’s hard, sorry your struggling it helps to talk to people that understand. Thank you so much and I wish you all the very best no one deserves this

1 Like

Thanks and same to you!

Mel, so sorry to read your story, I understand both sides of your story.
2 months ago my wife took her own life and then my mum died 10 days later. I felt torn between grieving for them both. I now feel able to celebrate mum’s life, even if I now have to think about clearing out her stuff.
Accepting my wife’s death is completely different. Try SOBS, a really understanding suicide charity. Good luck x


Gosh that’s really harrowing to hear and I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t imagine losing my my husband on top of my mum. Thanks for the recommendation and hope your doing ok! Stay strong!

1 Like

Hi Ian

I’m so sorry for your losses.

Just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you.

1 Like

Thank you Sue,
I’m still here, still very confused about how I should be feeling.
Christmas is coming, how sad and depressing is that going to be?
Next step coroners inquest. Never thought that I would have to go through that.

@Melissa13 how are you doing?

Yeah that’s so tough I went through the same thing with my mum Ian and was horrific but just try to surround yourself with friends, mine were the only thing getting me through. There’s honestly nothing anyone can say to make it better. I am coming up to 1 year on the 10 th December and it genuinely feels so fresh. It is true what they say time makes things better but you never forget. I was sitting on the train today and I was just thinking about it all and next thing I knew I was crying in public on the train the pain comes in waves.

I can understand your feelings.

We lost mum in April 2021 and I’m just coming up to my second Christmas without her. I used to really enjoy Christmas, but now have v mixed feelings.
I’m divorced without any children and since I left my ex husband in Jan 2007 my mum and I became v close. My dad died in Oct of the same year.
I’d stay over at hers til Boxing Day. Last year and this my dad’s cousin will come for lunch, but she’ll want to leave late afternoon and I’ll spend the evening alone. So it’s not the same and feels a bit flat.
With all the emphasis on happy families, it’s very difficult if you’re grieving for someone. Let alone for two people as in your case.

I really do hope that you’ve got supportive friends around you.

I can’t imagine what it’s like having to go through an inquest. I hope that it’s not too traumatic.

They say that the best thing to do is just to let the grief out, although that can be hard to do.
I was doing okay til recently. There was a very real possibility for a couple of months that I could be spending Christmas alone and I was so down and so low, feeling really tearful and really missing mum. Its hard and it must be even harder that you lost your mum to suicide. I’m so sorry.