I lost my mum and now i think my personality has changed.

I lost my mum to cancer just over a month and I have been devasted ever since. My mum is my world and my rock. She was always a constant in my life, and I feel so utterly lost without her.

As a way to cope, I threw myself back into my work, which is hospitality, and I honestly do think it is helping me. It keeps me moving every day and I get to talk to people without feeling like I need to address the elephant in the room. However, since my mother’s death, I think parts of my personality have changed and I don’t really understand how they coincide with my grief.

I used to be a very romantic person, I used to love the idea of Valentine’s Day and I loved showering my partner with romantic gifts. Recently I couldn’t think of anything worse than being romantic, the idea of receiving a romantic gift repulses me and I have no desire to go on romantic dates. I’d rather be at work than sit in a fancy restaurant.

I don’t really understand the sudden change in my personality. I would understand if I lost a partner but I lost my mum instead. The funny thing is, she would be the exact person I would talk to about this.

i don’t know if something is wrong with me.

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I’m really sorry for your loss. I am about to lose my mom to cancer and I am totally devastated.
One of the things that alarms me about my grief is the change of feelings towards my husband.
So I think I have some insight into how you are feeling.
I cannot offer any advice or solace as this is all very sudden and raw for me.
But I can say that you are not alone.

I am so very sorry for your loss. A mother is such an important person in anyone’s life but sometimes daughters feel a closer relationship than sons do - but I understand that everyone is different. The shock of losing your beloved mother has caused such trauma to your mind and emotions that you cannot feel your normal self right now, because life for you has been shattered. But as you navigate your way through your grief you will slowly find your old self again. Your grief has consumed you and it will be difficult to feel as you did before you lost your mother. Grief turns each of us upside down, shakes us up and tosses us out again in pieces and it takes time for us to find our old selves again, but you will do it, I promise. I lost my mother just before Christmas 2022 and the range of emotions has been overwhelming and confusing. I am still working my way through what I know to be a long process. So I do understand a little and empathise with your sadness and grief, but everyone’s grief is specific and individual to them. Don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with you - you have not changed your personality or character but right now you are overwhelmed with sorrow and you may feel you have no strength or space in your heart for anything else. Every emotion you feel is normal and right and there are no rigid ways to grieve. Everyone grieves in their own way and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know that nothing I say will minimise your pain, but please know that I am thinking of you and sending love and a huge hug. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. xxxx


That is so kind of you. Honestly I sometimes think there is a distinct lack of kindness today.
But this has given me a bit of faith thank you so much.
Mom is still with us but we are on borrowed time and it’s so very very painful.
It has not been that long since you lost your mom. I am so terribly sorry for you also.
Our moms are so precious and you think they are always going to be there. My mom is 69. I thought I had so much more time left.
So need to sort out my emotions and make the best of her.
Take care my lovely.

Dear moolets

Just checking in today to see how things are for you, little lady. I’m thinking of you, as I am thinking of everyone who is bereaved. Only you can feel the pain which is excruciating. I know because I am also on a similar journey to yours, but I am elderly and alone so my circumstances are different. But grieving is grieving so I understand a little how you are suffering. I can only say that your grief will be consuming your heart and mind right now and it is not surprising that you feel you have changed. However you have not changed, you are still the same loving girl your partner adores. Please be kind to yourself and allow the grief to work its way out. You have not changed, you have just lost your way a little since you lost your darling Mum. Be brave, you will get through this, I promise. Take care of yourself, I am thinking of you. Much love to you. xxxx

Dear MrsB51

Thank you for your kind words about my Mum. Sometimes I think it’s getting easier but then I’m struck down by a wave of sadness and crying which seems endless even though I know it will end sometime. I feel so sorry for you, watching your lovely Mum slipping away from you. I know you’ll be cherishing every moment with her. Your Mum knows you love her and you’ll be helping her more than you know. I’m sorry your feelings towards your husband seem to be changing. I think that’s normal given the horrendous suffering you’re feeling about your Mum. Let’s face it, you are in shock, nothing will seem normal. I’m sending strength and love and a huge hug to you. Take care and thank you again for your reply. xxxx

Hi I lost my mum 9 months ago and since then I have had no feelings for my son and grandchildren . I didn’t have a close relationship with my mum … We fell out whilst on holiday in 2019 and t she refused to speak to me afterwards. I have been told that it’s grief that is making me feel this way and am on a waiting list for counselling . Every day is a struggle for me , I haven’t met my grand daughter yet , she’s 6 months old now I just don’t feel any love at the moment. Thing is I didn’t know grief could affect people like this . Are you getting any help ?

Hi Moolets,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved Mum. The pain is so indescribable so I really do sympathise with you.
I lost my mum on 29th Jan 2022 so over 12 months ago. I didn’t accept help at the time, and since then my life has spiralled out of control. So much so I cheated on my husband (not the physical kind of cheating, but messages between me and another man). I would never ever dream of doing this before trying to deal with grief! I always said there was no point. This change in my behaviour really shocked me and has been the final straw in trying to get help.
Hang on in there, you are definitely not alone xx

Hi sorry I’ve only just seen your post… I can really relate to the way you are feeling and Personality change really resonates with my own experience. My Mum passed 9 months ago and I have been without feelings for my son and grandchildren since then. It’s been a truly awful time because up until last weekend I hadn’t seen my granddaughter and she,s 6 months old now. I just couldn’t bear to see her or my grandson.My GP and friends all told me it was grief that was making me feel this way but I didn’t understand because me and my mum hadn’t spoken for 3 years when she passed on her 80th birthday last May. Last weekend my son came over he brought little Lottie as well as my grandson but I was dreading seeing her in case I couldn’t love her. The reverse happened ! It was as though a weight had been lifted , she’s absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t believe my reaction. I had got myself into a real state about how I have been feeling over the past months but speaking to others on here has really helped . Stick with it … not easy as I know and keep talking to people I have been to hell and back but now hopefully I can get back on track with my life … hope this helps. Liz