I lost my Mum

I lost my Mum 4 weeks ago - numb for first 2 weeks now really hitting me, I cared for a mum last few years , last 6 months gave up working and went part time and I am thankful I did as I spent as much time with her as I could. She was my best friend and I’m going to her house, where I grew up every day to tend the garden etc. I’m struggling as after a red butterfly and red dragon fly first few days I just can’t feel her around me, (Mum was a red head) she said she would show me she is around. We were a loving family 5 siblings 16 great grandchildren and great grandchildren. She has left a great massive legacy. I’m also struggling with the syringe driver decision-did we do this too soon, did we really get the right support? at least I got Mum home from hospital for her last few days but I’m so heartbroken she is not here anymore. She was in pain, hallucinations and asking for us to let her go. Any advice would be really appreciated


I lost my mum too 3 months ago, I just can’t get my head around it. I also cared for her for 15 years. Her life was robbed and we were so close.

1 Like

Try and take comfort knowing she passed away with family around her and in her home rather than hospital my mum said she wanted to die at home the paramedics wanted to take her to hospital to die but I said no she said she wants to die at home so my mum and your mum are together pain free

I lost my mum quite a few years ago now and still struggle with the syringe driver decision. Everything seemed to happen a lot quicker after that was placed. However it meant mum was pain free and was not being sick anymore so was so much more comfortable. Take comfort that having the driver for your mum would have made her more comfortable as well and for the pain relief alone would be the right decision. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and take it all slowly. I would not say time is a healer but time allows you to accept and learn new ways to live with the loss

So sorry for your loss, I lost my mum to cancer a week ago today, she also had a syringe driver fitted 6 days before and they told us she won’t be with us much longer before they fitted it but as she was struggling to take her medications and getting very distressed and was sleeping a lot and when she wasn’t sleeping she was quite confused and delirious, so we think we made the right decision for her as we hated to see her the way she was, she was a shadow of her former self. The day before she passed she kept asking us to “let her go” which broke our hearts. On the evening before she passed (she died at 107am) she kept clinging onto us before she seemed to loose consciousness asking for us to “help me”. The nurses who where with us that evening where so lovely, they kept having to top up her syringe driver meds with an injection to help calm her as she kept grabbing onto us as she said she was scared. About 30 minutes before she took her final breath she had tears rolling down her cheeks.

To see her that way was devastating and now she is at peace.

1 Like