I lost my beautiful nan yesterday, she was more like a mom to me. I found her and had to do CPR even though she was stone cold and that is imbedded in my brain. I feel guilty about everything bad I’ve ever said to her, I’m struggling to go near her room. The worst part is I live with her, my grandad, my mom and my children so it’s hit even harder. I miss her so much and I’m so angry, why now? Why not one last Christmas. There was no warning sign, no nothing. They say she went peacefully in her sleep so she wouldn’t have even known but it doesn’t make it any easier, I’ll never hear her voice again, see her again, cuddle her again. I said my goodbyes last night and kissed her stone cold face before she was taken, she looked so peaceful all her wrinkles had gone, her skin was beautiful she used to be a model. I am trying so hard to be there for my grandad and my mom but I just want to scream, I’m trying not to cry in front of my children but it’s so difficult. How am I meant to live on with this pain? Knowing I’m going to experience it again and again. I’m struggling to cope with that as this has broken my soul. I just don’t know what to do:sob:
Hello @Frankiex,
Thank you for so bravely sharing this with the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your nan.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Many of our members have experienced the death of their grandparent and will understand some of what you’re going through. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a grandparent category. But there you will find lots of conversations from other members who are coping with their grief. You may find some comfort in knowing you are not alone.
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support too. Keep reaching out and take care 
Alex