I am so sorry.

My husband died just over a year ago but it seems like yesterday.

In the days after his death a friend told me “it’s ok to not be ok”. That saying at that time helped enormously and it still does help.

It’s just so, so painful. It’s not just the emotional pain, but what people don’t realize is that it hurts your entire body.

I don’t have children, so can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through but there are people on here who can hopefully offer some advice on that.

These forums are a wonderful way to get support from people who truly understand. Thank you so much for posting. I really feel your pain and again I am so sorry. XX


Hi there
I lost my sons dad 25 years ago and I’m here joining in chats because it still lingers in my days and thoughts and of course my son carries him in his mannerisms and sounds like him too which at times is jarring and uncanny.

In those early days I cried and cried and visited the grave so often and sometimes just sat and said nothing. Listening and drowning out the voices of people telling me how to move on like it was so easy. It has never erased and is now part of me deep down.

It’s not easy and some days are better than others but no matter what you get up and do the day and if you find something that makes you feel slightly better keep doing it even if others tell you to move on or don’t understand the loss

Cry when you need to talk when you need to and share memories when you need to



It’s the worse thing that’s ever happened and all you are feeling is normal in your situation I don’t even remember those first months it’s about surviving through the hours my husband died eight months ago and I’m still trying to make sense of it, just be kind to yourself give yourself time and if people offer to help bite their arms off and tell them what you need, you’re not alone we’re all on this sad road, grief makes you feel crazy but after all your whole world has been turned upside down, cry it all out, I’m sorry for your loss and for your children too but know we’re all here with you, sending gentle hugs xx

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Hi Nadine, tonight it is 8 weeks since my husband unexpectedly died. I have cried every day, I never knew tears could be that scalding. Sleep is almost non-existent. I feel so lost and sad and alone, my soul mate, my love is gone forever. I saw a grief counsellor on Thursday and it really helped me being able to say how I was feeling and cry my heart out without being judged. Yesterday I spent the day with my daughter and her family, celebrating my granddaughters birthday and it was only this morning that I realised I hadn’t cried at all yesterday, I almost felt guilty about this.
Take time to grieve, don’t be afraid to cry and ask for help if you need it.
All of us here understand how you feel and nobody will judge you, if you need to vent or rant or just want to ask for advice this forum is here for you. Take care, Valerie


thank you very much for your reply ,im totally lost without him as we done everything together i just dont know what to do with myself now hes gone ,a feel as if my heart has been crushed into a million bits and the worst part is i didnt get to say to him hiw much i loved him or say goodbuy because he didnt know he was unwell to that extent . , and im the same crying almost every day , i try not to cry around the kids as i dont want them to get upset as my 8 year is finding it very hard since his dad passed . my daughter has been speaking about him all the time and all the good times they had and shes only 7 but jack my son was very close with his dad but i just need to wait till hes ready to open up and not force him to speak about it hel talk about him when hes ready to


@nc962 - it must be so difficult with such young children to care for. I’m unsure how you can find room for your own grief when you have to care for them. Have you got support?
You need to try to take some time to process your loss, which is earth shattering. I’m struggling to deal with my grief but my son is grown up with his own partner so I don’t have that responsibility. I feel for you.

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Yes I feel the same. N and I were two parts of one single entity. Since I started working at home in March 2020 we were virtually together in the same room 24/7.
N had developed severe sleep apnea, and used a CPAP machine, so my sleep was disruptive for about a year and a half, I think that is one reason I can’t sleep at home, it is too quiet. None of the drs or consultants had told us that the reduced oxygen levels could/were affecting his heart. So quite literally both our hearts broke :broken_heart: :broken_heart: that Sunday morning. It was so unexpected. I have never felt pain like this before.
I spoke to a grief counsellor last week and poured my heart out to her, my pain, my grief, my guilt, I must admit that it did help. I talk to N every day and tell him that I love him every morning and evening when I go to bed.
I can’t see a future for me, knowing my love will never hold me again, but I will go on, I have my children and their families to pick me up when I am down. I will continue to see our friends and do things and go places that we had planned, I know it will be hard and that I will cry, but I will live my life for the two of us and try to remember the good times.
Take care of yourself, and remember that he knew you loved him, even though you did not tell him. I would recommend grief counselling both for yourself and your children.


it is very diffucult with the 2 of them and the only person i have is his mother for support the kids granny , i have booke myself in to see a councilor and i have been to the doctors aswell so hopefully speaking to someone will help and i cant really talk to his mum about things it doesnt feel right and she doesnt like to talk about him as it upsets her but ill get there i just need t give myself time . xx

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@ValerieT your post gave me such inspiration
Sorry for your sudden loss

Hi Nadine, i’m so so sorry, I lost my husband 8 weeks ago, aged 47, Very sudden and unexpected. so i know exactly what you’re going through, feeling lost and crying all the time, although my youngest is 15.
Also would welcome any help and advice Thank you Melissa x

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@Melanddaz - I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here in this awful situation. My husband died 15 weeks ago - he was 55 and fit and active.
The shock is awful and in the beginning I think we carry on on auto pilot, through all the funeral and admin arrangements. I’m finding it harder now - people are not around me so much and the reality of my new life without him is kicking in.
I hope you find some comfort from people here. It is helpful to know other people feel as you do and understand the enormous loss you’ve experienced. Take care x


So young my lovely husband was 67 when he passed married 45years it’s a hard struggle lv annie x x

Hi @ValerieT , I’ve just read your post, how I relate to you. My husband had sleep apnoea too, he had a CPAP machine for over ten years. The consultant at Leicester did explain about sudden drops and rises in blood pressures and the affects on the heart. He already had heart arrhythmia, but it was ironic that it was one of his other medical conditions that caused his death in the end.
It must have been a total shock for you. I don’t sleep well either, ten years of listening to his machine now silence every night.
That is the hardest part, no more hugs no one to say everything with be ok.
Sending love
Debbie X

Sorry for your loss, sadly I lost my husband 10 weeks ago and like you we have two grown up children. It will be our 24th wedding anniversary on Sunday and I am dreading it.
Everyday is different the tears come at any time and I have learnt to allow this to happen only in the last couple of weeks, before I covered up my emotions until I was on my own.
This forum has helped when you need a bit of support from people that understand what we are going through.
Take care of yourself and your children x


Sarah when you want to cry do it my husband passed 17month ago I cry everyday but not all day but take care of yourself annie x x


I can’t believe that it has been three months since N passed away. Today is my worst day since finding him next to me that Sunday morning. I knew that it would be bad today, as it’s my birthday. I woke up before 6am and have hardly stopped crying since. It is so hard without my soul mate, my love, my husband. I have put up all of the cards that N gave me while we were together. It makes me cry knowing that there will only ever be six happy birthday wife cards.
The time for today’s post has passed and I didn’t even get one card from family or friends. No-one has called to say happy birthday or see how I am. Yes I’ve had Facebook messages from friends, but it is not the same.
I’m supposed to be working today, but it’s hard focusing on the screen through the tears.


So very sorry valerie it hurts so much hugs annie x x

I’m so sorry no one has thought to send you a card and see how you are coping. Sending hugs, Debbie X

I agree. Facebook messages are not the same.

It’s just the overall decline in society and the way we live. Our general lack of consideration for other people. To be fair, they probably sincerely believe that by giving a post a like or a short comment, they have done their bit.

Sometimes I feel like we have lost what’s real. I read an article about how elephants mourn. They go back to the place where their beloved died and rub their trunks in the ground, for years after they pass.

If only as humans we had such intelligence and as a group, such understanding.

My husband often said that if we were to know what was real and good, we should always look to nature. As ever, he knew what was right and good.

Sending much love xx

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