I Lost my person.

Hi so a couple of weeks ago I tried to get into contact with my best friend C we fell out of contact when I moved away from where we grew up, this was because I and C used to do really self-destructive things together. It was our way of coping when I moved away I was forced to stop doing all of that stuff and realized how bad it actually was. I tried to help C the best I could but being so far away there wasn’t much I could do, when I tried to get back into contact I received a message from C’s mum who told me he passed away in May of 2022.

At that moment I felt like my entire world fell apart this boy who I have been friends with since we were 9 and have been through pretty much everything with, who helped me so much cope with everything was suddenly not there anymore. It didn’t feel real and for the first week i was able to ignore it in a way but now that feeling won’t go away.

It has kicked in that I won’t ever see him again, I won’t ever hear his voice again, and that stupid infectious laugh, the worst part is I didn’t even get to see him one last time. I wasn’t even told until now, I don’t know what to do I feel so lost. No one can ever replace him, but without him, everything is so empty. There seems to be no point in anything. I don’t know how to go on, we were not in contact but I and he always had an understanding that if either of us needed the other we would always pick up the phone no matter what. Now, that was gone.

Hello @LARG,

I’m sorry for the loss of your best friend. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


If you do feel these suicidal thoughts or feelings get too much, you can reach out to one of the following organisations who are always just a call or text away anytime you would like someone to talk to:

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
  • If you’re worried you’re going to hurt yourself, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
We have also recently launched a Grief Guide Service, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, please visit griefguide.sueryder.org

Having only just found out about your friend’s death, you didn’t get to see him one last time. I wanted to share some ways of remembering your friend and honouring what they meant to you when you weren’t able to say goodbye. Some of our members have found creating a memory box to be helpful. We have a blog on how to do that here. We also have members who have planted trees in memory of their loved ones, or made keepsakes from clothes.

I hope you will explore some of these options - you deserve help and support.

Take care