I lost my son at the age of 32 suddenly he had a heart attack then a cardiac arrest at his home and the paramedics worked on him for over 40 minutes before taking him to hospital. They put in a stent and I got told he’d be ok but 3 days later i got told he was brain dead so I had to make the decision to turn off his machine. Thankfully he passed away quickly but I’m so lost without him he was my best friend and we did everything together. I dont know how to accept I’ll never see him again 
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Hi Nicki1974
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to reach out to The Compassionate Friends at www.tcf.org.uk support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Naoise
I am so sorry to hear your story, which is very similar to mine. We lost our lovely son aged 33 last November. He was in his flat late one evening and phoned 999 because he was breathless. He managed to give his address but fell unconscious. Emergency services had to break into his flat and then the ambulance crew tried to revive him for 45 minutes. Sadly they could not get him back. We did not find out until 4 days later, because next of kin details were not written down anywhere in the flat. Details of that kind were probably stored on his computer and mobile, but they were both password protected so could not be accessed. My son had been poorly for 5 months with what he thought was long covid. The ambulance crew apparently said it was a heart attack, but the post mortem was inconclusive and we are still awaiting the results of further tests. Like you, I can’t get my head around the fact that he has gone and I am utterly distraught. My son lost his life and we have also lost ours.
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My son was in good health I think thats what makes it so hard i was lucky he had a friend with him who phoned 999 and myself coz my son stood up then just collapsed unconscious. I got to be with him for a couple of days in hospital before I had to turn his life support off which is the hardest decision I’ve ever made but I know it was the best thing to do for him
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I have mixed emotions about my son’s death. If there had been somebody with him in his flat, that might have helped his chances of survival. If he had collapsed when on his own, and not managed to phone 999, I would have found him when I went to his flat 4 days later. As it was, he himself phoned emergency services, so I suppose he knew somebody was coming to help him. But he died on his own. We never got to see him again as we decided not to view his body, which I now feel very guilty about. All these horrible events and decisions thrust upon us. I can’t imagine how it must have been for you making the decision to turn off your son’s life support, but it sounds like there was no hope and no other path to take.
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Im so sorry you didnt get the chance to see your son again . It makes me feel fortunate to have had the couple of days I had with my son and it helped me to prepare for the end of his life. He never regained consciousness but it gives me comfort knowing I was with him. I wanted so much to keep him on his life support but i knew he wouldnt have wanted that coz the damage to his brain from lack of oxygen was too much. Im just in a hazy and cant really remember making any decisions but my daughter said I just thought of my son and did the right thing though I think I’ll regret that decision for the rest of my life it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but he went quickly so I’m trying to find some sort of comfort in that 
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Yes, you must take comfort from your brave decision. If your son had recovered, he would probably not have been the same person as he was before. When we learnt our son had died (4 days after the event), we didn’t even know at first what hospital morgue he had been taken too. We were so shocked, we sat in our lounge and stared into space for a week. Then a post mortem had to be carried out, so by the time we actually thought about going to see him, some time had passed. My daughter and husband were not keen anyway, so we said no to a viewing. I have some regrets about that now, especially as when I recently looked through our photos of him, the last picture we have was taken in July on his birthday. The four of us had been together for my daughter’s birthday in November, about 2 weeks before he died, but had forgotten to take any photos on the day. I have hundreds of photos from Day 1 of his life and they will be treasured, but I am sad there wasn’t a final one.
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Im just back from collecting my son’s ashes I’m glad I’ve got him home now with me. My son was a pain when taking pictures he always had to stick his tongue out and be cheeky but that was just his way x
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Happy memories though, even if he didn’t pose for the camera. Have you decided what to do with your son’s ashes?
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I’m keeping him with me till I go then my daughter knows to put him in with me
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Dear Nickie