I’m found this site whilst looking for some help. I lost my partner Jackie to breast cancer last month. She was an hard working intelligent woman of 68 who was a happy, helpful and very nice person. She was diagnosed 5 years ago with Lobular breast cancer which after Chemo and radiotherapy she was pronounced clear after 6 months and her surgeons and oncologists were pleased with her progress. She had a very hard time over the years with brain tumours twice which were expertly and fully treated in London by very skilful people.
She felt unwell on the 18 December and died on the 30 December, it was so sudden and unexpected. I was left in shock as she didn’t even think this was coming and I’ve had a very hard time coping since. I’ve kept busy winding up her business and clearing her belonging which is very hard as there are so many memories attached to them. Everywhere I go I am reminded of her, going to shops going past restaurants, walks and holidays where we had many happy times and everything remined me of her, even the TV planner which has all her favourite programmes, it’s really hard and although I’m a 66-year-old man and I’m getting tearful at the slightest thing. I’m just writing this to see if anyone who has been through this painful experience can advise on how long I’m going to feel like this, does it pass, if so, when?
My sister and a few friends have been very helpful and sympathetic, but I miss her so much it hurts.
I am so sorry that you have lost your beloved partner. I am 40 weeks in, after losing my partner (the love of my life) suddenly and unexpectedly last year, whilst on holiday.
I can honestly say that the feelings don’t pass, but you get used to them and learn to live around them. I probably cry at some point every day, but I know now this is normal.
It is such early days for you and everything is raw. You are probably in shock too, but I think that somehow carries you through, while you deal with the myriad of things that need to be done.
You’ve done the right thing in finding this site. Everyone is sadly in the same boat and you never feel you are on your own and you can say what you feel without any judgement.
It’s been a lifeline for me. Take care
Hi John
Really sorry to hear your story. It reflects a lot of my own.
My wife Carol was 68 and had Melanoma, but was only ill for a few weeks and died in the Hospice on the 25th November . The death of my wife, lover, friend and confidante hit me hard and still does, I am crying as I write this to you. I too am 66 and I never expected to out live Carol, she was always so fit and healthy.
Like you I desperately needed help in the short time after my loss, especially with Christmas coming. There was nothing to be had. I have no idea how I muddled through until after New Year when I finally managed to get my cry for help heard by the Hospice Bereavement team.
You have to push hard to get help especially in the first few days and weeks. This site helped tremendously but it is no substitute for professional and face to face counselling.
The only reason I didn’t end my own life was because I promised my wife I would take care of our dog (her dog really). Samaritans didn’t really help, they don’t understand bereavement or at least the volunteer I spoke too. I live in the north of Scotland and so the local organizations that are available in my area are unlikely to be available to you.
You need to speak openly and frankly to someone you can trust that will be non judgmental and that understands the process of bereavement.
Every day I miss Carol and it never seems to get any easier without her. I walk the dog in the morning have lunch and sit and watch telly until bedtime. That is my routine and has been for the last 57 days. The only break is when I manage to get some company or my scatter gun approach to seeking help finds a target.
All I can do and all I can encourage you to do is hang in there in the hope that it does actually get easier. And dont panic, and dont do anything rash. There is no hurry to do anything other than to be with your grief and dry the tears as they come.
Be safe, be well and remember the happier times.
Regards
Derek