Hello, I’m typing this with the help of my son as I’m not totally computer savvy. I lost my wife of almost 50 years very suddenly in October last year. She was my carer as I have MS but she hadnt been well for a while with anxiety and depression. Sadly the symptons of what we found out later were cancer had been masked by similar symptons she’d suffered with from her mental health. Tests and scans had not shown up anything sinister but in late September her conditon suddenly worsened and she went into hospital. Within hours she had been diagnosed with advanced stage 4 cancer in multiple places. She had amazing care in hospital from that point but passed away just 6 days later. It was a huge shock to the whole family. Now that the dust has settled and life has carried on I’m very lonely and struggling with the loss. She was my world. We were togther over 50 years and due to ill heath had ended up caring for each other. My family and best friends are supporting me but it’s when I’m at home on my own with her belongings still in places she left them that I find it hard to get my head around what has happened. I’m managing in some ways, able to pop to the shop, go and see my friend and family but I’m on autopilot a lot of the time, on top of coping with my MS. I’ve tried to call Cruse and spoke to a lady but i didnt feel it helped as it was just a national thing. If anyone can suggest alternative telephone bereavement helplines that have worked for them please let me know. I know no one can change what has happened, I just would like to share my situation as I know others are in the same boat but at different stages. I know I’ll never get over what has happened, I always told my wife i would go first but I have to carry on. Thank you for listening.
Hello David, I’m so sorry you lost your wife in dreadful circumstances but this is the place to find help and understanding. My husband passed away 6 months ago and his death was also a huge shock. He had Crohn’s disease and had a bowel blockage. We both thought they would clear it under anaesthetic which they’d done twice before but it was not to be this time. I also have MS and he was my carer too. We were together 55 years and I have children and grandchildren who are all helping me but they have their own lives and jobs. Grief is very personal and different for all of us but MS adds an extra burden of pain and neuropathic problems. I have had a lot of help from my MS nurse and GP in getting the appropriate meds I’ve needed. Be kind to yourself David it’s still early days. I find the best way for me to relax is to listen to audio books on my tablet. As time goes by I’m learning to live with the grief and find happiness again. It’s a slow process but I believe my husband is a part of me after so many years together and it gives me comfort. I’m sending you a big hug.X
Hi David, So sorry to hear of your sad news. Losing someone so close after such a long time together is truly devastating. I’m 4 years along the line now having lost my darling wife of 47 years at Christmas 2020 and the pain and heartache is still as strong now., I wouldn’t say that I have good and bad days, more like bad and less bad would be more accurate.We can never get over it, we just have to accept our new situation and do the best we can. In the early days I had counselling with Cruse and though it was a listening ear for my woes I’m not sure that it achieved much. Though I have family I still feel so isolated and alone especially at night and cant wait to go to sleep to escape the reality of the place I’m in. I find that it really does help to be on this forum as we’re all in the same boat and can understand how others are feeling and things that we might think iare weird or odd often transpires to be quite “normal” . Keep coming back on here David I’m sure it might help in some small way. Take care
Hello Frankie, thank you for your kind reply at the weekend. It really is a comfort to myself and my son to hear from other people who understand what I am going through. I’m very sorry to read about your husband too, and I can understand how much of a shock that must have been. I’ve had MS for over 30 years so have many meds too, I do have a daughter in law whos a nurse so I’ve been getting help from her to manage everything now that my wife isnt here. I’m taking it day by day but I will try to look at this site, I’m still learning how to use it with the help of my son. Take care.
Hello George, many thanks for your message. I really do appreciate it. I’m sorry that you lost your wife too and can very much understand how you’re feeling yourself. I know it is still early days for me and my family so we are just going day by day and trying to find a new normality, but it will never be the same. I’m still getting used to using this site, my son is helping me reply. I will try and check back, as hearing from others who understand really is a comfort. Take care yourself.