I lost myself when I lost my dad

I lost my dad suddenly March last year to a heart attack.

Last night I poked the bear. I miss my dad terribly, and I miss his voice. So for the first time since last March, I watched one of his videos. One where he was showing off the view from his new spanish villa. Hearing his voice again, I just became hysterical. I just sat on my own and cried.

Then I sat and wondered if my brothers feel the same. One of my brothers has just had a baby, the other has just bought and moved in to his first house, so they’re distracted, moving on. I know they miss dad too.

I feel so alone in this grief, I see everyone else carrying on and I’m still sat here in the dark crying and struggling to breathe. I try to talk to family but I’m made to feel I should be over it. I try so hard to put on a brave face, but when I’m on my own I’m falling apart. I don’t even let my partner see this.

I’m throwing myself in to my work at the moment, which I know doesn’t help because now I’m exhausted and the whole thing feels 10x worse. But it’s the only place I don’t have chance to think about everything.

I’ve experienced loss before, but this is just something else. It’s completely changed me. I used to be everything I pretend to be now. I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel so low without my dad to talk to.

3 Likes

Hi there I’m so sorry to hear you lost your dad, my mum passed away 10th July this year & it’s so raw, I looked after her for the last 6 weeks at home so she was with dad and the rest of the family, I feel so lost, & the feeling of guilt won’t go away, going up to dads now is so different, its quiet & not the same without her, I don’t know how people get through it, my mum was 85 & I’m so blessed to have had her in my life till now, but it still hurts, I do hope it gets easier for all of us to cope with.
Stay strong & take care
Lynn xx

Oh @lynn2691 :pensive: I’m so sorry for your loss. I can imagine that must be so difficult to go back to the place she should be.
My dad was 57 when he passed, it pains me that he was so young, he still had so much life to live. But I don’t think I ever would have been ready to lose him wether it was 57 or 157.

I’ve also felt guilty the past year, my relationship with my dad was difficult to say the least. A lot of history and he said she said between my parents meant I didn’t have the relationship I would have liked with him. I also feel I could have helped him live better, could I have saved him in some way.
There’s a huge hole in my heart, life, soul that only my dad can fill. I can only hope time helps.
I’m here if you want to chat, take care x

My goodness your dad was far to young, I guess on top of all the guilt & anger you would feel cheated that your dad went far too early, I try and take each day as it comes, some days I wake up & feel so numb & tired , you think you’ve slept ok & you haven’t, hopefully things will get better for all of us, I understand what your saying when you feel you could have done more I feel that too, just wish these feelings would go away. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Will keep in touch
Take care
Lynn xx

Allie, you have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your dad it is sad when people assume the death of a loved one should have a time limit of grief. Some deal in months some deal in years. My mum was murdered at a young age of 51 I was 17 it was 30yrs ago but somethings still hit me, especially now after losing my wife this year all the emotions come flooding back.
Certainly is hard reading messages watching movies and hearing there voices but although it’s painful it’s a blessing with technology we’re able to do this I would hate to forget my mums voice or how she moved and looked but because of technology that will never happen. You have your dad forever at a click of a button imagine if you didn’t.
Most times people look like they have moved on but we all try to put on that fake face so people don’t worry or constantly ask how you’re are, but the loss of a loved one partner parent child it never goes away.
It’s good you came it to talk about it, it’s something you shouldn’t do alone and let’s be honest we’re all here because we’re in pain so you’re in great company :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Back to top